How Shall the Young Honor Your Father and Mother?

Introduction

I want to thank you for your invitation to come and be with you this weekend. I’ve been most impressed with your group of young people that you have, and want to thank the parents for the wonderful job that you’re doing and bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I specifically ask that this session be at this hour. Honor your father and mother, because I want both children and parents to be together for this one. And so I invite your careful attention to this most important subject. Let’s read together Ephesians 6, beginning at verse 1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. You will well recognize this passage, which is most often studied by itself. If we’re going to teach our children about obedience and honor in the home, then we’re going to read these verses. But I want you to remember that these are spoken in conjunction with what came before, where Paul talked about the different roles that are necessary in a godly home. All starting in chapter 5 and verse 21, when he says, You be subject to one another in the fear of the Lord. And then he talks about how wives are to be submissive to their husbands. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

And then, without the chapter break, children obey your parents in the Lord. All of those roles are absolutely necessary to have a godly home. When someone doesn’t do their part, then the whole family suffers. Children, he said, your role is to honor your father and your mother. Obey your parents in the Lord. Have you ever heard about how to tell the difference between a dog and a cat? You feed a dog and he thinks you’re God. You feed a cat and he thinks he’s God. You ever notice that? Well, sometimes children seem to suffer from the misconception that they’re the ruler of the home. After all, they sit down at the table and food appears before them. They get to decide what the schedule is for the day, when they’re taken to school, when they go to practice, when they go to the mall, whatever.

And it would be very tempting for them to think that they’re the ones who are in charge. I want you to see, first of all, that your role in the home is one of obedience. You are under authority. You are charged by God to honor your father and your mother. This is your role in the home. When you don’t do your part, the whole family is going to suffer.

You know, if we buy a new truck, we’re going to read the owner’s manual. If I get a new cell phone, I’m going to read and find out how everything works so that I can use it to the best of my ability. If you want to have a good home, you go back to the beginning to the instruction manual that God put together, and each of us have a sign role attached to it. What should you keep in mind, children, as you seek to fulfill this important role in the home? Well, I want to suggest three things this morning that you need to keep in mind. Three things that you can give to your parents as you try to honor this relationship. Now, when you look at this first blank on number one, there are a lot of different ways you could fill that in.

1. Your Parents Think of You as a Blessing

Fourth grade teacher was giving her children a quiz and started by listing several different well-known proverbs and ask them to fill in the rest of the blank. They’re ones that you would recognize, but for a fourth grader, they weren’t real sure how they finished. So on the quiz, the teacher put, don’t bite the hand that and one of the kids put, looks dirty. You can’t teach an old dog and one of the kids put math. A penny saved is not much. If at first you don’t succeed, get new batteries. Now, how would you feel this one? Your parents think of you as a blessing. Your parents think of you as a blessing. Now, you may think, well, my parents think of me as a burden. Or my parents think of me as a nuisance or an inconvenience or a chore.

Think about it, parents. How would your children believe that you think of them? According to the scriptures, your parents think of you as a blessing. Turn to Psalm 127. And notice what the psalmist said beginning at verse 1. Psalm 127. Starting with verse 1. Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. It is for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors, for he gives to his beloved even in his sleep. Behold, children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

They shall not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate. Behold, he said, children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb. You have to be careful not to say fruit of the loom there. The fruit of the womb is a reward. That’s how your parents think of you. You are not an inconvenience to them. They prayed for you. They wanted to have children. And so you are a blessing from God to them. In the ancient times in which this psalm would have been written, there were three things which caused a man to be blessed among his people, where they would look at him and say, He has the favor of God upon him. One thing is that he would have a lot of livestock.

The second thing is he would have a lot of servants who served him and helped him with his livestock. But the third thing was if a man had a lot of children, people thought he is blessed by God. He has found favor with the Lord. He said they’re like arrows in your quiver.

See, young people, while you think your parents are plotting how to make your life miserable, they’re on their knees before God’s throne, praying for you for this greatest blessing in their life. In Luke chapter 2, I want you to notice what is said about Mary, the mother of Jesus, who certainly did not always understand the things that were happening and being said about her son. Now she knew that he was from God. But even in things that she did not understand, I want you to notice what is said about Mary. Luke chapter 2, look at verse 19. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And then verse 51. And he came, he went down with them and came to Nazareth and continued in subjection to them, and his mother treasured all these things in her heart.

You know what you do with something you consider a treasure? You store it up and keep it in a safe place. And you keep coming back to it time and time again. Mary treasured these things in her heart. This is what her whole life was about. And she could think of nothing better than replaying these in her mind day after day. That’s how your parents think about you. The next time you’re tempted to be disrespectful and to be disobedient to your parents, I want you to remember they think of you as a blessing. Once upon a time, a baby was about to be born and was having a conversation with the Lord while still in the womb. And the baby was very frightened about the new world that he was about to be born into.

And so the Lord tried to assure this little baby. He said, I’ve stationed my angels, and they’re going to take care of you and protect you. They’re watching for you. And they’re going to teach you how to pray and talk to me, and they’re going to teach you the way back to me so that we can be together again one day. And the little baby said, Well, how will I find these angels? What are their names? And the Lord said, You will simply call them mom and dad. Your parents think of you not as a bother to them, but as a blessing. And so you treasure your relationship with them. Remember, some relationships we get to choose who we’re related to. Our friends, our co-workers. But with your parents, God chose.

2. Your Parents Discipline You Because They Love You

That we’re doing our role in the home. Not only do your parents think of you as a blessing, number two, your parents discipline you because they love you. Now there’s another fill in the blank that doesn’t seem to go together, does it? As one parent might say, Well, I love my child too much to discipline them. But I want you to see when you look at the Lord’s manual, your parents discipline you because they love you. Turn back to Proverbs chapter 13. Here we are again at the wisdom of Solomon. And notice what Solomon said in Proverbs 13? Let me get a volunteer to read verse 24. Who has that? Okay, go ahead, Slade?

Okay, he who spares his rod hates his son. But he who loves him disciplines him diligently. Discipline is a response of love. You have enough friends in your life. You don’t need a mother and father to be thought of just as another friend. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a friendly relationship with your parents, but you need to recognize that they have a God-given authority over you. Remember, you are to be obedient to them. And may I just say to you, how many of your friends would do what your parents have already done for you in your life? Which of your friends would have changed your dirty diapers? Which of your friends would have cleaned up after you were sick? Which of your friends would have stayed up all night long and kept checking your temperature and making sure you were okay?

Your parents have done all of these things and more, and so you need to have the attitude of what can I give them to help them in their great task before God. Your parents discipline you because they love you. This is not a passage that promotes child abuse, nor is it a passage that says you beat your children into submission. It just shows that your parents have the authority from God to discipline you for your own good. This same concept is referred to in Hebrews chapter twelve as God’s discipline to us is compared to the discipline of an earthly father to his son. Look at Hebrews chapter twelve and read with me starting at verse four? You have not yet, Hebrews 12 and verse 4, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding in your striving against sin, and you have not forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons.

My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by him. For those whom the Lord loves, he disciplines, and he scourges every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you endure. God deals with you as with sons, for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them. Shall we not much rather be subject to the father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them. But he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful. Yet to those who have been trained by it afterward, it re it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.

And you’re not going to believe this is true. But young people, your parents were at one time teenagers. Can you believe that? Can you see Thad Fraser as a teenager? That’s right, he still is. Now, that means that your parents, however long ago that was, know what it’s like to be a young person. And it doesn’t matter how much times have changed and how things are different today. There were still temptations that you faced that your parents fought through. Your parents had to learn to say no to things that are of the world. Your parents had to resist things like peer pressure. And that means that they have more wisdom than you do about these things. And so they then have the experience to render discipline.

Sometimes that’s in the form of putting boundaries around your life. You’re going to be home at this time, and you’re not going to be on the phone after this hour, and you’re going to do things according to these rules. And that’s discipline. Sometimes the discipline comes when you go outside of those boundaries, and it must come in the form of punishment. But again, I want you to see this is an expression of your parents’ love for you. Did you know that your parents want you to go to heaven? You see, there’s an eternal discipline for those who are disobedient to God. And it’s called hell. And your parents are trying to keep you on the road to heaven. And so if that means at different times they’re going to say no to you, then you understand what their role is.

When it means that they must punish you, as the passage says, as what seems best to them, then you understand they have my best interests at heart. Did you notice that the passage we read said no discipline seems joyful? I used to say, well, things my parents said, I’m never going to say that to my kids. And sure enough, here it came. This hurts me more than it hurts you. But you know that’s true.

But discipline is an extension of love. I want my children to see their father one day, their father in heaven. Because I love them, I’m not going to withhold what is best for them. We are disciplined, Paul said, by the Lord, in order that we may not be condemned with the world. 1 Corinthians 11 and verse 32. God disciplines us to keep us out of hell. Our earthly mother and father discipline us so that we may continue on the path that pleases him. Your parents discipline you because they love you.

And so he had cleaned his room and he put a price next to that, and he had taken out the trash and he had put a price on that, and he’d fed the dog, and he’d done all his chores, and at the bottom he totaled it up and gave it to his mother as if it was a bill for services rendered. And the mother just took it and turned it over, and she put, carried you in my womb for nine months. No charge. And she talked about all the other things she had done as his mother and said, no charge. There’s no way you can repay what your parents have done for you. But I want you to see you can give them your understanding of their task.

And instead of despising discipline, you see its product is for your good. You see the connection between disciple and discipline. If we refuse discipline, we are not his disciples.

3. Your Parents Will Give an Account to God

What’s something that you can do to show your understanding of your most important role in the home? To be obedient to your parents. Yes, it is so that your parents think of you as a blessing. Your parents discipline you because they love you. And then, number three, your parents will give an account to God. Your parents will give an account to God. They will stand in judgment for how they have performed their role in the home. When we go back to the passage where we begin in Ephesians chapter 6, again, he said, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise. Now, when he refers to this commandment, he’s going all the way back to Exodus chapter 20, when Moses brought down the Ten Commandments from Mount Sinai and gave them to the children of Israel.

And you remember the first four commandments had to do with their relationship to God. They were things like, you shall have no other gods before me, you shall not make an idol, you shall not take the name of the Lord in vain. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. All of those things involve their direct connection to God. The next six commandments had to do with their relations to other people. You don’t commit murder, you don’t commit adultery, don’t bear false witness. But did you notice what the very first one was of these important relationships that they would have with other people? Commandment number five, honor your father and your mother. And there was a promise attached to that commandment, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long in the land God has given you.

Now it could be that he’s referring to the fact that disobedience to this command was a capital offense. If you were disrespectful to your parents under the old law, if you did not reverence your father and your mother, you could be put to death. And so maybe he means you’re going to live long because you won’t suffer the death penalty. But could it also mean that respecting our earthly father and mother when we’re young, when we’re taught at a young age to respect authority, we will most likely be people who grow up and then have a respect for godly authority. Think about it. When you’re young, isn’t it so that your parents are God to you? Think about times when you were afraid in the middle of the night.

And it doesn’t matter how big the monster was in your imagination or how frightful the nightmare was, you were safe when you were right between your mother and your father in their bed. And your dad, even though if he was old and out of shape and bald, could have whipped any monster that came out of your closet. He was God to you. And you respected him. You were taught to have a to respect his authority. And then as you grow up, you begin to see his authority comes from God, our Father. And so I’m going to then respect him and live long in the land God has given. Look at verse 4. And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Your parents will give an account to how they fulfilled this commandment. It is just as important as every other commandment given to men. Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up. This is a command spoken to the patriarch of the family. That he would say, like Joshua did many years ago, choose for yourselves whom you will serve, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. And what we need are men like that in every generation who stand up and say, This is how our house is going to operate. We’re going to follow the God-given blueprint for the home. And your parents are going to have to answer for that. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

That’s their responsibility. Shouldn’t you then again give them your understanding? And when they give you instruction, be obedient and honor them.

Give your parents some understanding. They’re going to give an account for how they’ve raised you. They will answer to their father for you. I don’t mean by that you don’t have free will and that you don’t make your own decisions. There will come a day when you will leave father and mother and you will start your own life and you will make your own choices and you will stand before God and answer for that. But while you’re under their supervision and under their authority, you appreciate what they have and what they will say before God. Your parents only have you for a very short time. 18, 20 years. And then they’re going to give you up to the world. And you will take with you what your parents instilled within you those first years of your life.

And so you be one who appreciates your parents’ responsibility.

And somebody had told us about this trick you could use by taking a towel and putting it under her armpits and standing behind her and holding the towel to stabilize her and running behind her as she tried to get her balance. And then eventually, as you saw that she was confident, you would let the towel go. And I remember running behind her, and I remember her starting to feel like she could get it, and one of the hardest things I had to do for my little girl was to let it go and let her go on her own. And no, well, she might crash, she might get hurt, but I’ve got to let her go.

And they will have to trust in the instruction from God’s word that they’ve put on your heart, and they will have to continue their prayers for you with confidence that they’ve done what they know they could do, and they will continue to be one who before the throne of God says your name day after day. Your parents will give an account to God. Your parents would sing this song, a hymn written by Craig Roberts, but they would do so with you and mine. Little children from above, sent to us with joy and love. Bring a hope so clear and bright. Father, help us raise them, right? Oh, how tender is the sight. Little ones in bed at night. Parents praying at their feet. Father, keep them pure and sweet.

Conclusion

Little children soon are grown. Can they face this world alone as they strive and struggle through? Father, let them turn to you. When our time to go draws near, we may leave our children here to the new land far away. Father, bring them home someday. If I were to ask parents who agreed with that, the sentiments of that hymn to stand, would that be enough to convince you of how much your parents love you? Would that perhaps give you a better understanding of their role and relationship in the home? Would that perhaps give you a greater emphasis of doing your part to make certain that the home is what it ought to be? Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

Much has changed in our world since those words were first written by the Apostle Paul. But they speak of truth that is eternal, that if we want our homes to be what they ought to be, what God wants them to be, we will return to these principles spoken by him who created the home. In so doing, we will be better prepared for our home, which is in heaven. Thank you for your careful attention. We’re going to stop there for now.