How Shall the Young Be a Friend?

Introduction

Well, it has been my experience that the toughest crowd in these weekend events is the session after lunch, because everybody’s a little food weary and sleepy. So we’re gonna try as best we can to stay engaged and to take part in this very important lesson on how shall the young be a friend. You’re going to have many relationships where you don’t have a whole lot of choice about them, but this is one where you get to select your friends. You choose people that you’re going to be close to and share things in common with. So let’s look at what the Bible says about this relationship. Now, before we do that, let’s just start with a very simple question that I’m going to need a lot of people’s input on as we just try to get a list going in our mind of how we select our friends.

So I want to ask you, what is it that you look for in a friend? Now remember, no right or wrong answer, but if you’re choosing your friends, what kind of qualities do you look for? Somebody start us off. All right, somebody who’s trusting. You may be sharing things with them, and you want them to know, or you want to be able to have confidence that they’re going to keep that trust. Very good. Who else has one? Yes? All right, somebody who’s loyal, who’s always gonna be there. We sometimes say it that way. you can depend on them because they’re they’re always there. Good. What else? Yes. Somebody who’s kind? Yeah, nobody wants to be a friend with a jerk, do we? We want somebody’s be nice to us.

Yes. So I understand the must be a problems. All right, very good. You remember when Job had all of those difficulties that came upon him all in one day? His servants, his livestock, his children died. we read that his friends came to him, and it said they sat with him for seven days and seven nights and didn’t say a word to him. They just let him cry. And so they were understanding of his loss, and the problem started when they opened their mouth, really. but that’s certainly a quality we look for. Good. Who has another one? What do you want your friends to have? What’s important to you? All right, they care about you and want to help or care about you and just want to be there, good.

What else? Yes, sir.

Okay, very good. You want somebody who’s a Christian who’ll be a good influence on you, kind of help you go along so that you’ll be a good Christian, follow their example. Anybody have another one? Yes, sir. Somebody who would build you up. Okay, somebody who builds you up, he said. I’m saying this like you can’t hear him. yes. we want somebody who’s gonna make us stronger, not somebody who’s gonna keep tearing us down. So all of these things we want in our friends. Yes, ma’am.

All right, good. sometimes friends are there to correct us if we’re going the wrong way, or we say something we shouldn’t say. It takes a true friend to take us aside and say, you know, you’re wrong in that. You need to stop doing that. so that’s that’s gonna be an important part of our friends that we choose. Does anybody have another one? Yes. Good. Good. since we do make mistakes, we want friends who’ll be patient with us and not cast us aside the first time we do something we shouldn’t. Now, the purpose of this is to tell you that if you want to have friends of these qualities that you’ve said and others, what does that mean that you need to do?

If you want to have a friend who’s loyal, what does that mean you need to do? Yeah, you need to be loyal. If you want a friend who keeps secrets that you tell them, then what do you need to do in return? Yeah, you be someone who’s trustworthy. You see, we don’t have a right to expect our friends to have all these things that we want, and then we’re not willing to be those things on our own. In fact, somebody has said it this way the best vitamin for friendship is be one.

If you want to have a friend, he just got it. if you want to have a friend who’s all those things, then you be one who’s who’s all those things. so let’s look at our friendship selection process. Go ahead and open to Proverbs. most of the passages except one or two are all going to be found in the book of Proverbs. Isn’t it amazing? here, this is just the third session we’ve had together. And isn’t it amazing how much we keep coming back to things that Solomon wrote or Solomon did? Solomon’s wisdom was not just something that he prayed for and kept inside. It was something he expressed. And we get to benefit from that by reading his wise sayings. Now, the book of Proverbs is addressed to Solomon’s son or even his children to encourage them to continue in the wise things that their parents taught them.

1. Choose the Friends You Want to Become

And so he talked about things like staying away from sexual immorality, talked about things like making sure you have a good reputation. But I want you to see how many times he came back to this very important part of being a young person, and that is finding the right friends, making certain that you choose the right people to be around. So we’re going to look at four things that Solomon said about friendship. You know, Simon says, well, let’s look at Solomon’s sets. The first one is going to be found in Proverbs 13 and verse 20. And I need a volunteer to read this one for us. Proverbs 13 and verse 20. Okay, you got that.

Okay, he who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Here’s what Solomon says. Choose the friends you want to become. If you want friends who are going to help you to be better, then you need to choose friends that you want to imitate. Now, usually we’re going to pick friends that we share something in common. And that’s natural. Maybe it started out that we were on the same baseball team and we didn’t know each other, but the more we played together, we realized how much we had in common. So we become friends. Or maybe we’re in the same class school with them. And so now we’ve we’ve become friends. So you share things with your friends, but you also need to be choosing friends who you want to imitate and you want to become more like them.

Maybe they can do something that you can’t do. And so you want to surround yourself with them so that you can get better. He who walks with wise men will be wise.

And I was always the kind that I didn’t like to talk in front of people. And so when he would sign up to do a Wednesday night invitation, he would sign up and then he’d sign me up to do one. And he knew how much I’d I couldn’t stand doing that. Well, I’ve come to look back at that and realize that was what first got me to realize this is what I want to do. I love doing this. And so there was a friend who I wanted to do what he was doing, and so because of our connection to one another, he helped push me in an area that at first I thought, no, I could never do that.

So you want to choose friends that you want to become. You want to imitate them. Because what the alternative is choosing friends who are going to lead you the wrong way. Look to 1 Corinthians chapter 15. Keep your marker there in Proverbs, since we’ll be coming back there. But I need to volunteer to read verse 33. 1 Corinthians 15 and verse 3. Okay, you have that?

All right. Be careful that you don’t overlook words in the Bible or verses, parts of verses in the Bible. If someone were to ask you what’s 1 Corinthians 1533 say, you would say, well, evil companions corrupt good morals. But what’s the first part of the verse? Do not deceive. Yes. Do not be deceived. Now, why do you think it would be important that would be said before Paul said evil companions corrupt good morals? Why would do not be deceived be at the front part of that? What does that suggest about this very important principle about our companions corrupting us?

All right. There is a self-deception that they’re they’re they’re not that bad. Or even if we admit, yeah, these are not really the best people to be around, what’s a way that we can deceive ourselves by associating with them? Oh, yeah, I know I’m outnumbered here, but I’m gonna change all of them to be like me, or they’re not gonna have any influence on me. I know that they do things that are not right, but it’s not going to affect me. Paul said, Do not be deceived. Evil companions corrupt good morals. You’ve been brought up to know right from wrong, to know the things you ought to do and the things you should stay away from. Don’t be deceived into thinking you can be around friends who are not of good influence and you won’t follow after their example.

2. Give Your Friends a Loyal Commitment

Remember, he who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. So Solomon says, choose the friends that you want to become. If you like something in someone and say, Well, I want to be like that, then choose to be their friend, and they’ll help you in this area. All right, let’s look at a second one in Proverbs. Now we’re in chapter 17 and verse 17. And who will read this for us? Proverbs 17 and 17, okay?

Okay. A friend loves when at all times. Now that last part, I used to think that meant that a brother was born for adversity, that meant you and your brother are always gonna fight, because that’s what they’re born for, to have conflict. No, what that means is when you’re in some kind of adverse circumstances, it’s your brother that’s gonna stand up there with you and help fight you. That’s what he’s born for. But he says there is a friend who loves at all times. Now, which is excuse you. Now, which is easier? which is easier when your friend is had success? What is the temptation to do that they’re being noticed and you’re not? W what might we be tempted to do in times like that?

Well, we could. We say, well, I want to do better and be like them, but really what’s the temptation when your friend’s being praised and you’re kind of being overlooked?

Yeah, you might get a little jealous and think, well, I can do it better than he can. Why did anybody notice me? Solomon said a friend loves at all times. When your friend is being lifted up, then you love them and you be proud of them and say, I’m glad that they’re my friend. What might be the temptation when your friend is being looked down upon and maybe some other people are talking about them or saying things about them? What is the temptation when that happens? Yeah, disown them, he said. Well, you know, I they’re not really popular right now. I’m gonna go with these other people. No, a friend loves at all times. turn to First Samuel chapter 18. This is one of the great friendships that is revealed to us in the Bible.

And I want you to notice what it says about how close Jonathan and David were. First Samuel 18, who will read verse one for us? Okay. Slade. Now it came about when he had finished thinking over David.

All right. What do you picture there when it says the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David? What comes to your mind when you when you hear those words about this friendship? Anything?

All right, I like that. And you ever had friends like that? Where if it’s the weekend, either you’re over at their house or they’re over at your house, one or the other. You’re inseparable. Sometimes we say it this way: you can’t think of one without thinking of the other, because they’re always together. the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David. So there wasn’t going to come a time when they didn’t love one another. Because a friend loves at all times. That just happened to be Solomon’s dad who was in a friendship like that. So you need to be a friend like that. You said, Well, I want friends who treat me that way. Well, then you have the responsibility to treat them that way, to be a friend like Jonathan and David.

There is another proverb that speaks to this in Proverbs 18 and verse 24. And someone read that for us. Proverbs 18 and 24. Who has that? All right, go ahead.

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Okay, a friend who sticks closer than a brother. When you were describing your qualities you look for in your friends, somebody said, Someone who’s always there. That’s what that means. That’s the loyalty. So give your friends a loyal commitment.

That’s just somebody who kind of comes and goes. But your friends deserve a loyal commitment. A friend who loves at all times. What how do we usually refer to these types of friends? We have our friends, and then the next level up is we have our what? Our best friends. And those are ones who are always there. Why is it important for your best friends to be Christians? Why would that be something that would be important?

Yes, these are the ones that most likely you’re going to be around the most, and so you’re going to want a good influence that will help you get better. Good. Why else? Why should your best friends be fellow Christians? Yes, ma’am.

Alright. These are going to be people that you’re getting advice from. How do I handle this? What should I do? Don’t you want somebody who’s who’s also got a foundation in the Word of God who’s going to help you with scriptural advice and cite verses that you could read together or say, well, let’s study that and see what the Bible says. again, we’ll talk later at the end about the importance of having friends who are not Christians, but I want you to see your best friends ought to be Christians. Those you share the most common thing, the most important commonality, your faith in God. You do that, and you will have this loyal commitment. All right. Anybody have another one? All right.

3. Tell Your Friends What They Need to Hear

Well, let’s go to this third one. This will be in Proverbs chapter 27, and I need a volunteer to read verse six. Okay, Everybody there? Proverbs 27, 6. Go ahead.

Okay, certainly that’s got to be a misprint, right? Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Now, a wound, that’s something that hurts you. That’s something unpleasant. How is it possible that a wound of a friend could be something that Solomon said is faithful? Anyone have an idea of what the wise man means by that? Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

Oh, I like that. That’s true. There will be times when your friends are gonna have to say something to hurt you. Not because they want to hurt you, but because they want to help you.

Tell your friends what they want to. Yes. Yeah, what they want to hear. That’s easier, isn’t it? Because that’s gonna dissolve any kind of conflict. But do you know what that is? That’s just self-love. Here’s what I mean by that. I want people to like me. I don’t want people to take something I say the wrong way, or I don’t want to offend somebody, because I want them to like me. So I may not tell them what they want, what they need to hear, because I’m afraid what that’s going to make them think about me. And so I’m just going to tell them what they want to hear. And then they’ll like me. See how it comes back to pride and selfishness? That can’t be a part of your friendships.

You need to tell your friends what they need to hear. To wound them so that they will get better. Now the last the second half says deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. When someone who doesn’t like you all of a sudden it starts being nice to you, that’s kind of a whoa, I better watch this. Something’s about to happen. But your friends, when they hurt you, they that can be something that you can depend on. Now, what are some times when a friend might have to wound another friend? When might we need to apply a passage like this? Can you think of something you would need to tell your friend that they needed to hear? Alright, if there’s some kind of sinolved, and we would hope that they just didn’t know about something or were unaware of what they were doing.

And so we would go to them not in a judgmental way or to say, I’m better than you, but again, just out of a love for them. We love at all times, and so we want to help them, even when sin is involved. Good. What else? When might we have to tell friends what they want to hear or what they need to hear, not necessarily what they want to hear. Yes?

Okay. Now tell us what you mean by that. I think that’s right.

Okay, sometimes it might be you’re the one who’s who’s having to come clean about something. it wasn’t that they were in the wrong, but you were. And so you don’t want to have that between you anymore, and you’re gonna have to tell them something like that. Th there will be times when words will be unpleasant. But again, it’s if it’s our love that is motivating us, then we will experience the wound because of our friendship. A motivational speaker once said it this way. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. If you’re just saying something to someone to show them that you know more about it than they do, then they’re probably not gonna listen to you.

But if they can tell you’re telling them this because you love them, then they will listen. So faithful are the wounds of a friend. You need to tell them what they need to hear. A few years back I went to our third and fourth grade Bible class at Southside, and I had these little note cards that I passed out. And I asked these third and fourth graders to give me a list of what you look for in a friend. Who do you choose to be your friends? And what’s interesting is these third and fourth graders said a lot of the same things that you did in the beginning. One of them said, I look for a person who believes in God. A friend who does the right thing that will be a good influence on me.

A friend who tells the truth.

Didn’t know that was a problem for third and fourth graders. But then she said, Who thinks about today? One of them said, someone who doesn’t make fun of you, who doesn’t hang out with the wrong group. Another girl said, Someone who doesn’t talk behind my back, who lets people play with us, who’s a good student. She misspelled student. Who will be a good Christian example? One little boy just put takes turns, and he turned his card in. That was all he looks for. One girl said, Someone who does not lie to me. That’s part of telling your friends what they need to hear. When you don’t do that, it’s like you’re lying to them. And you’re certainly not helping them. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

If we ever think, well, if I tell them this, they won’t be, they may not be my friend anymore. If I share something with them that they need to hear, then it may ruin our relationship.

4. Help Your Friends Become the Friend of God

That’s going to be their decision, not yours. But I want you to see you have the responsibility as a friend who loves at all times to tell your friends what they need to hear. Alright, well, let’s look at one final one very quickly. What does Solomon say about the importance of friendship? Proverbs 27 and verse 17. This is kind of a principle that’s going to sum up all that we’ve said to this point. Who will read Proverbs 27 and verse 17? Got that? Iron Sherman sharpened. Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Okay, what is the picture that you see in this verse? What comes to mind when you hear iron sharpens iron? What kind of occupation do you think of? Alright, and think of a blacksmith, and can’t you see him rubbing two swords together, and he’s trying to get both of them sharper, or maybe he’s rubbing it up against the anvil, trying to get the sword ready for battle.

Solomon said, just like iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another. So the fourth thing Solomon says is help your friends become the friend of God. One of your greatest parts of friendship that you have with those who you associate with is to help one another become God’s friend. Now there is one character in the Bible who is three times called the friend of God, the only character in the Bible who’s given this description. Doesn’t mean that’s the only friend God has, but it just shows us the special relationship God had with this man. Does anybody know who in the Bible three times is referred to as the friend of God? Moses is a great guess. And understandable why we would think it is not Moses, though.

Abraham, okay, very good. Turn to James chapter two. And Paul, the winner gets to read the verse. James 2? no. Start with verse 21 through verse 24.

Well now, Abraham or which offering of Henson Isaac on the altar. You see that faith was active along with his words. And faith was to do by his word. And the scripture was fulfilled that says Abraham believed God, and it was coming to him and written. And he was called friendly God.

You see that a person that justified by words and not by faith alone. All right, thank you. Very good. Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness, and therefore he is called the friend of God. Once again, I want you to see the connection of doing with friends.

We do things for one another. That’s how Abraham was called the friend of God. Now, taking all of these things that we’ve said about our friends, how do we apply those things to being God’s friend? All of these qualities you’ve said are part of being friends with one another. How are some of those things, same things necessary to be called God’s friend? How can we be friends with God? What would we have to do in a relationship like that we do in our own relationships with our friends?

Absolutely. There is going to be some correction that we’re going to have to receive from our friend in heaven. He’s going to tell us things that at times are going to be unpleasant for us to hear. But they are what we need to hear. And so we need to accept those and change those so that we can become more and more like him. Very good. How about the first one on the list? How does that involve our relationship with God? Choose friends you want you want, choose the friends you want to become.

All right. First, we are, as we saw last night, we’re made in God’s image. We’re created in his image. But the point of life is to be recreated in the image of God’s Son, to become like Jesus and thereby imitate him in our life. When we choose him to be our friend, then what we’re saying is we want to be become more like him, to follow his example, to say what he said, to go where he went, to do what he did. So it’s all about becoming like our friend. Okay, what about number two? How is that involved? Give your friends a loyal commitment. How is that involved in our friendship with God if we want to be God’s friend? How is something like loyalty going to factor in?

It’s a life-changing commitment, isn’t it? There is no such thing as a fair weather friend of God. It is going to change everything about you. It means at all times you’re going to choose to love him. You’re going to choose in good times and bad to stay faithful to him. And you’re going to trust him when things are not going well. You’re going to thank him when things are going well. So being God’s friend is absolutely necessary and involves our loyal commitment.

Considering this helping your friends become the friend of God, why is it important that you have some friends who are in the world? Who are who are not Christians? Why would that be something important for us to talk about? Yes, ma’am.

So how would that be back to love?

Absolutely. If we just isolate ourselves and insulate ourselves from the world, we just say, well, we’re just all going to be together all the time. And we’re we’re not ever going to associate with anybody outside our circle because they might influence us to do wrong, they might take us away. Then what we’ve done is eliminated our responsibility to be a light and to be an influence and be the salt of the earth. It’s like the little boy that came up to me at the end of Dry Creek Camp one year and said, Mr. Bubba, don’t you wish we could stay here forever? Well, that’s that’s not going to work. It’s good that we can be here this week and grow close to one another and experience all that we’ve experienced, but the Lord needs us out there.

We’ve got to go be an influence out there with the things that we’ve learned. So you should have friends who are not Christians so that you can be an influence on them and show them what it means to be the friend of God.

And so his best friend had a locker right next to him, and they were after class one day, and he invited his best friend to come to the gospel meeting. And he came.

That the friend who had gone to the gospel meeting and kept coming and kept studying decided that he was going to obey the gospel and be baptized. By this time, the parents of this boy were getting a little concerned. You know, he’s going with his friend to church. We need to go check this out. And so they did. And they kept going. And they kept listening. And after a little while, both of the parents became Christians, and so did their other son and their daughter. Those three kids went on to marry Christian spouses. And now they have had children. And their children are Christians. And now their children are having children. And the little boy who was invited by his best friend to come to the gospel meeting.

He’s now an elder at the church at Southside where I preach. But I want you to see it all came from a little eighth-grade boy who invited his friend to come to the gospel meeting. What a great service you can do for your friends just by sharing with them the gospel. And you don’t know how far that’s going to influence lives and generations to come by just you doing what you know is right. Let’s look at one final passage in John chapter 15. And we need someone to read for us verses 13 and 14, last verse of the day. Who’s got that? Alright, go ahead. John 15, 13 and 14.

Conclusion

You’re my friend. You’re right. Okay. Very good. Now, has Jesus demonstrated how far and how much he wants to be our friend? Greater love has no man than this. That he lay down his life for his friends. Has Jesus shown that? Absolutely. And so what did he ask in return? Verse 14, you are my friends if you do what I command you. Isn’t that amazing to think of? Now just one character in the Old Testament called the friend of God. What Jesus said is if you follow my commandments and you be my friend, then one day in front of the host of heaven, 10,000 times 10,000 angels, he will say to the Father on the throne, that’s my friend.

There is not a friend like him. And so let’s take all that we’ve learned about the importance of choosing our friends and choose him for our best friend. Who has the last song? Oh two twenty nine blue forty nine.

No not one. No not one. No friend like him. So high and holy.

No not one Jesus knows all about our struggles. He will God till the day is done. There’s not a friend like the holy Jesus. No not one.

There’s not an hour that he is not near us. No not one. No not one. No so dark by his love can cheer us. No not one. No not one. Jesus all about struggles. He will guide till the day is done. There’s not a friend like the Lord Jesus. No not one. No. Thank you, Brother Jarnett. I’ve lost my voice and I haven’t been talking for hours today. Sorry about that. thanks again, young folks, and folks who brought young folks and everyone that was able to spend the day today. no better place we could have been, so thank you for that. And we’ll see everybody hopefully on the Lord’s fourth day in the morning. And here’s three more lessons from brother Bubba for it.

Before the brother Scott, will you dismiss us for the prayer, please?

Heavenly Father, and I’m going to come before you in this day, knowing that you are the our creator, you’re the maker of all things that we can see and the maker of things that we cannot get to. Father, we’re so thankful for the opportunity we’ve had today to spend time with one another and to spend time studying from your word. Father, we’re so thankful for the blessings that are allowed for that. We’re thankful for Brother Garner spending time with us preparing these lessons. We’re thankful for your word and be made things that are in it because we will only avail ourselves and spend time in it. Father, we’re thankful for the hope that we have here because of your son, and we’re thankful for the special bond that gives us with our voice and Father, pray that you would help us to be the friends that we ought to be, both to our brothers and sisters in the body, but also to those of the world so that they can see your characteristics from your characteristics in our heart.

Father, we’re so thankful for all the young men and women here, and we pray that you would bless them and strengthen them as they strive to serve you. We pray that we would be good examples to them, and that we would be encouraged by their faith in the Father, what can you say that’s represented here and praise the children? Help us all father to try to even do that in one day. Be with us as we travel today, Father, that we might be able to come again.