What John 3:16 Teaches Us About Marriage (John 3:16)

Introduction

Somewhat the theme for all Christians. I mean, we have to wait on the Lord. And that’s a difficult concept for us. And I’m going to talk about another difficult concept for us tonight. We have a good number of our folks who are gone tonight, but the spaces are filled in by a good number of visitors. And so we’re glad that you’re here. I had a little bit of a short week as I was in Florida Thursday through Saturday, celebrating my mom’s 80th birthday. I went to my dad’s 80th birthday, so I had to go to my mom’s. That’s how that worked. And so it’s been a whirlwind week, and I prepared these thoughts before I left, and I had a lot of help in this particular lesson by a preacher that you may not know.

Some of you might. His name is Shane Scott, preaches in Val Rico, Florida. And one of the most redeeming things about Shane is that he is a fan of Kentucky basketball. So he and I are friends pretty much just on that basis. But we are, yes, brothers in Christ and fellow preachers too. And he related a story about a preacher friend of mine who, a preacher friend of his, who came to the door. Wait a minute, let’s start this over.

Knocked on the door, and he wanted some money. Now, that’s something you know about. You’ve heard about happening. And so that’s a very common occurrence. If you work at the church building, and you’re going to get knocks on the door, people are money. But this guy, when he knocks on the door, and the preacher opens the door, says, He’s the Lord, and he needs to get back to Jerusalem. Now, that’s a very uncommon occurrence for people who come needing money. And so Shane’s preacher friend responded, Well, if you’re the Lord, why couldn’t you just transport yourself and reappear in Jerusalem or wherever you need to be, if indeed you are the Lord. And this upset the fellow a little bit. And he said, Thou shall not tempt the Lord thy God.

John 3.16. Well, that’s not John 3.16. Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God, but it’s the right verse because everybody knows John 3.16. Even if they don’t know the content, they know those numbers. But a lot of people know the content of John 3.16. And we’ve heard it so many times that I wonder if we take much time to really contemplate what John 3.16 means in our lives as it relates to our brothers and sisters in Christ as it relates to our family members. John 3.16. I don’t normally use the King James version, but it’s the only graphic that I could find that put it in a heart. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, and of course, I quoted it in the King James my whole early life.

So that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

A classic statement, summarizing the message of the whole Bible story. But it also tells us something very important about what love means. What love is. What love does. Even in marriage. And when Shane wrote about this, I said to myself, I’ve never heard anybody talk about marriage in relation to John 3.16. But here’s the thing. If you’re not married, you may be contemplating marriage one day, and probably sooner than you think. It also applies in every relationship, because we’re told such things as love your brother, love your enemies, love your neighbor. And so whatever we learn about love from John 3.16 applies in all of those relationships. And so there’s something for everybody here to learn about the practice of love. We talk about love in this culture all the time.

We hear love this, love that. This is love. Love. All of our songs talk about love. And yet, in terms of God’s definition, God’s description, God’s action in regard to love, that’s another story entirely. And thus our love that we hear songs about is so often inferior to the nature of God’s love that we are called upon to express in all of our relationships. If I can do something in this vein, in all of my relationships, what God did, our relationships would be better.

1. Love Is Primarily an Act of the Will

John 3.16 is a tiplet. Showing us what love looks like at the ultimate level. What do we learn? For God so loved the world that he gave his only son. That whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Three simple points from this text. Number one, we learn that love is primarily an act of the will. And not a feeling or an emotion. Not an emotion, a feeling. Because as you know, in relationships, that often comes and goes. Depending on circumstances, depending upon events that unfold. And I think that’s what happens a lot of times as we talk about marriage specifically, and young people, as I’ve talked about so many times, when this budding relationship and romance happened, that person is all that you can think about.

They are perfect in every way. You’re just absolutely enamored with them, and you get so excited when that text pops on your phone. And it’s the beloved. And there’s these warm fuzzies. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat. And then you think, after two years of pretty much blissful courtship. Pretty much. Because it’s not always rosy, is it? But still, once we’re able to be together in the ultimate way, those feelings will persist for 50 years. All the older people say, well, good luck with that. Not only will those warm fuzzies disappear, and if they happen, and I’m not saying you’ll never have them again. I’m just saying. But if it becomes a come and go situation, if that’s not happened to you, then you and I need to talk.

You’ve got some answers you need to share with other people. Thank you, Sean.

Not only will the warm fuzzies likely not be present all the time. You may not even want to look at them or think about them. What about God’s love? But God so loved the world, etc. We say, I love you so much. You know, just ugh. I love you so much. That’s not really the idea of that word so, the Greek adverb that is used there. It simply means in this manner or in this way. In this way, God loved, in that he gave his son. Actually, the New Living Translation captures the idea beautifully. For this is how God loved the world. How did he love the world? He gave his son. And what’s particularly impressive about that? What more or better thing could he give?

This is why mere words do not suffice. What’s that passage? It rolls off the tongue, right? Let us not love in word or in tongue, but indeed in truth. Now I’ve got to throw in always that’s an elliptical statement. I love figures of speech. He is not saying that you have a past, you have an out, you never have to verbalize the words, I love you. He’s not saying, don’t ever do that. Don’t ever say I love you. God is saying, I love you. But he’s saying, would it not end with just the words?

It must be demonstrated in action. God isn’t just telling you in his book, I love you. You’ve heard that right? You’ve sung it. Since you were kids. Jesus loves me. This I know, for the Bible tells me so. But God not only tells you that he loves you, he has demonstrated. In the ultimate way, that he loves you. God demonstrated his love toward us. And that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, Romans chapter 5 and verse 8. So the love described in this passage is a commitment to give and sacrifice. Now, this sort of love is not sterile or unfeeling. Don’t misunderstand that point. And certainly Jesus, when he was on the earth to demonstrate the love of God, often felt compassion for people.

Even people who would turn away like the rich young ruler. It says he felt a love for him. He saw them as sheep without a shepherd. He had compassion on them, so he taught them many things. Mark chapter 6 and verse 34. And this love is the kind intention of God’s will according to Ephesians chapter 1 and verse 5. But it is not merely a feeling. Listen to this. Love is expressed. Now let’s get back to marriage. Be thinking about your marriage. Love is expressed in the concrete act of giving. So love and marriage are among brethren can be measured by how willing we are to give. And to what extent. So the issue for the husband or the wife is not am I in love with my spouse?

2. An Act of Will That Meets the Needs of Another

Because as I suggested, that comes and goes. And some people acknowledge it goes more than it comes. The question is not, am I in love with my spouse? The question is, will I do good for my spouse? And that leads me to the second thought in regard to what love does and what it gives. It is an act of will that meets the needs of another. Love is not an incidental feature of God’s character. It is his very essence or nature. 1 John chapter 4 and verse 8. God is love. Jesus was seeking, or Jesus extols, rather, in John 17. And go to John if you’re not already there because of John 3.16. We’re going to be looking at some passages here. In John 17 and verse 24, Jesus talks about in his lengthy prayer.

He said, Thou didst love me before the foundation of the world. This is what the three persons of the Godhead shared with each other. The mutual love that they have. But the overflowing generosity of his love is made incredible when you see its object. What’s the object in John 3 16? For God so loved the world. Now, we obviously know from much study, and I don’t need to spend much time here, that he’s not talking about the globe. He’s not talking about the planet. He’s talking about the people that he loved. But what does John have to say about the world? John 1. John 1, he was in the world, Jesus was, and the world was made through him, and the world did not know him.

Now that’s not the planet. The world did not know him. That’s people. And he came to his own, and his own received him not. In John 3 and verse 19, and this is the judgment, but the light is come into the world, and men love the darkness rather than the light. For their deeds were evil. John chapter 7. John chapter 7 and verse 7. He said to his disciples, the world cannot hate you. And this included his brothers on that occasion. The world cannot, his literal fleshly brothers. The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify of it. That its deeds are evil. Again, we’re talking about people here, and that the whole world lies under the sway of the devil. He is the prince of this world.

John chapter 14 and verse 30. So we’re talking about people who are opposed to Jesus. They are opposed to God. They do not know him, and God loves them. Now think about that. Despite their hostile rejection of him. And the fact that they face judgment.

Do you think about that? Talk about love and marriage. Get this.

Deserving has absolutely nothing to do with it.

You know what we do in marriage? We keep sword. Now we know from our study of love in 1 Corinthians 13, we’re not supposed to. Love is not taken to account wrong suffering. Now, what if God had taken into account? Laughable, isn’t it? Wrong suffer. What do these people deserve who have transgressed my will over and over and over again, who have shook their fists in my face and said, Creator, I don’t want to do what you want me to do. What if God had taken into account wrong suffering? And so we talk about loving like God loved, and let’s go ahead and throw in Ephesians 5 here. Be imitators of God, Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 1, and walk in love. That is to love as God loved.

Ephesians 5 verses 1 and 2. Walk in love just as Christ loved you. And gave himself up for us. An offering and a sacrifice to God is a fragrant aroma. There are some verses in the New Testament that I find particularly challenging. To practice on a regular basis. Do all things without murmuring is one of those. But Ephesians 5, 1 and 2.

To practice love in all of my relationships to the best of my ability, as God has. As Jesus has for me. Because I tell you, what we often do in marriage is we play, I will love you if. Now it doesn’t necessarily have to be 50-50. But I am going to expect of my mate that they reciprocate in kind to some degree. Obviously, males aren’t as good at it as females. That’s a generalization. I don’t. But I think it’s true. Females have more of a natural inclination toward this. But if either male or female is looking at this expression of love in marriage as I will do this if my mate gives some attempts at this also, that it’s a reciprocal kind of thing. God gave knowing that most would not reciprocate.

Don’t make your love contingent.

What about Hosea? Wish I had more time to talk about Hosea. Look at Hosea 3 and verse 1. You know the story of Hosea, right? He was instructed by God to go marry a woman of harlotry, and worse than that, her name was Gomer. Hosea marries Gomer. She’s unfaithful. But in Hosea 3 and verse 1, this astounding instruction is given to Hosea the prophet. Then the Lord said to me, Go again and love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes. I’ve said many times, I don’t know what was so particularly attractive about raisin cakes. But anything that you exalt to an improper place above doing right is your raisin cake.

And he says, My people have been unfaithful to me time and time again. And so Hosea, as an object lesson, I want you to go back and marry her again, though she has been unfaithful to you. And let me just say who would sign up to be Hosea in God’s scheme of faith. Your life is going to be an object lesson, and you’re going to keep marrying someone who is unfaithful. Wow, I want to get one shot at this thing called life, and I get to be an object lesson where I keep marrying a person who’s unfaithful to me. Great is your reward in heaven. Is the answer to that? Will we, will you, will I be giving in the marriage relationship to an undeserving object?

And at times they will be. Will we seek their best and highest? Regardless of whether it is reciprocated or done in turn to the same degree or extent. Because we are not able to return God’s love to the same perfect degree in which he loved us. Oh, yes, we have responded, his children, we have responded in obedience to his commands, but we still struggle at times with rebellion, and our love in return is imperfect, way imperfect. In comparison.

But what are those needs? I could spend some time here talking about Gary Chapman’s famous book, The Five Love Languages, and the ways people feel love. And you’d probably, some of you can probably rattle them off because you’ve read the book. And if you haven’t, you probably need to. Because not everybody feels love in the same way. And you can have a particular love language. If somebody does that in regard to you say, that makes me feel love, and you turn around and let someone else. That’s not how they feel loved. They’re different than you. Imagine that. Words of affirmation. Quality time. Receiving gifts. Acts of service. Physical touch. As Sherry says at our house, oxycosins. You gotta have oxytocin. Physical touch. Obviously, that’s one of hers.

Do you know? Do you know which love languages are most important to your spouse? Do you have enough courage to ask how they could feel more loved by you? I’m going to tell you that sort of scares me to even say it myself. That’s your goal. Spouse. Young people, when you get married, that’s it. You have this person. You signed on to love them the rest of your days. And so you say, what are his needs? What are her needs? The one who is married is concerned about the things of the world. The husband is concerned about taking care of the wife. The wife is concerned about taking care of the husband. The New American standard used the word please, but that’s the idea. To please them is the idea of taking care of them.

What does my spouse need from me? What can I do to enrich and enhance his or her life? Depending on whether you’re the male or the female in this relationship. What can I do to enhance or enrich her life?

Regardless of how she does with that same question in relation to me. Quit keeping score.

3. An Act of Will Giving All That It Can

Meet their needs. What we learn in John 3.16 is that it’s an act of will. Again, not feeling, it’s a decision. It’s a choice. It’s an act of will to meet another’s needs by giving all that it can. God gave the supreme gift. My gift of love will never match the extreme nature of his gift. God surrendered glory and being spirit, being infinite, and took on the finite. That in and of itself is an extreme gift to come and live among the creatures who are now going to mistreat him and reject him, and not just to accept the finite, but to do so even unto death, even unto death by crucifixion. God did not give an animal for the world, or even a holy person, or even an angel.

He gave his son.

So what do we learn about imitating God’s love in marriage? If we’re going to imitate John 3 16, then we are going to look at our spouse and will to do good for them.

Always. Now, I could ask for a show of hands how many times have you failed? And we’d all have to raise our hands. But that’s why we need this lesson. Because we’re trying to model the love of God. And so I look at the object of my love. I look at my spouse and I must say, I want to do good for them. Now, if we’re just interested in sliding around sliding along and making this religion thing easy and punching a time clock and doing two or three services a week and being generally nice, you know, then I gotta tell you’re not gonna get here. You’re not gonna learn this. This is going to take effort and practice, just as God had to give extreme effort to bring this about for us.

We must supply what they need.

That’s going to require us to give of ourselves and what we might like to do. It can’t be always about what I want. Who is it the little chipmunks in the in the cartoon? Was it what were their names? Chip and Dale? The little chipmunks? And whenever they would have all these holes, and it was time to jump in the hole. I don’t know why they were always jumping in the holes. But apparently they thought this worked. And so they would stand there next to the hole and eat, you go first. No, you go first. No, you go first. And so they were always fighting about who was going to go first. They were all being sacked, they were both being sacrificial. Is it always about you?

Where you’re going to vacation, where you’re going to eat.

Whose parents you’re going to hang with. The end laws. And young people, I see that more and more. Your spouse has a family too.

It can’t be always about you. If it is, you are not mirroring God’s love. And not only must you supply their needs, but you go to great lengths to do something. They’re going to have to work in things. I think so often in marriage, we quit trying. We get lazy. Just like we do in our faith and religion. We get lazy. We stop working. No, it’s not going to be like it was when we were dating, we had all these warm fuzzies. We have seen them at their absolute worst, but don’t forget they have seen you at your absolute worst. And they’re undeserving. Just like you’re undeserving. But if you want marriage to be enriching as God intended it to be, he did not mean for it to be a prison.

He did not mean for it to be something that we’re always looking for a way out. He meant it to be good for us.

Conclusion

And if we will pursue God’s love in that relationship, if nothing else, we become more God like. And as I said this morning, that makes us fit for divine association. Stop worrying about what your wife or your husband, whatever the case might be, is doing or not doing. Here’s your walking papers. And I want to suggest to you in conclusion, this is our God given duty in marriage. I think you’ll notice something. Most of us have mates, and I guess I can’t say everybody, but most of us, hopefully all of us, have mates who want to serve God and please him. And so if you take the initiative and you get started, or you try to excel even more in the practice of this kind of love in your relationship, you just might discover that in a while, your marriage is at a place that it’s never been before.

And that it’s even better. Then when you were those two kids who were all star-struck with one another? You might find the greatest friend you’ll ever know in this world besides the Lord. So let’s get to work. God loved you in the most extreme way. And that should motivate you to serve Him with all your heart and with all your being. Can we help you make that great choice to respond to God’s love while we stand this up?