The Heart of Authority

Introduction

I appreciate Jonathan kicking off this series last week. We’re wanting to focus some time and attention on parenting. I know that you had a class recently with Craig and Denise, but not everybody was able to be a part of that. And so we wanted to do a little bit of overview work covering very similar type of material. We have a lot of new young ones and more on the way. And so it just seemed like a good time to go over some things that relate to parenting. And then some of us who’ve had children for quite some time can benefit from going through some of this, or grandparents as well, maybe helping guide those of us who are dealing with young ones. All of this, I think, is beneficial, and particularly this morning as we talk about the idea of authority.

It’s a concept that really goes beyond just parenting. Certainly with the implications of how people view it in our culture, and how that then has affected parenting in many ways. I want to begin reading text in Ephesians 6 1 through 4, and I want to talk about some items here and kind of use this as a foundation to begin, and then talk about some basic concepts that relate to authority and how we should view it as parents who are trying to follow the Lord. It says, Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

And there’s some ways, I’m I’m old enough to realize there’s some ways in which it was better. Particularly if you were mostly worried about behavior. I am very concerned often about the behavior I see with children and the way they act and the disrespect I see toward parents. It’s kind of an epidemic in our culture. But that doesn’t mean necessarily that how everything happened in the past was also great. In the past, a lot was focused more kind of on an authoritarian sort of approach to parenting, which mostly seemed to focus on good behavior. So if your child obeyed and they could sit still and be quiet, that was a success. And while that can be a good fruit of parenting, and certainly we all would like to have good behavior from our children.

There’s also some more important factors that we need to consider and think about when it comes to good parenting, particularly the focus on shaping our child’s heart. It’s not just beating them into submission, whether we take that literally or metaphorically, that is not ultimately the goal. It is that we want them to actually have a heart for God, a heart focused on the things of God, that then translates into the right kind of behavior. The world has changed quite a bit in my lifetime, even. And that authoritarian, harsh approach, at least in perception, seemed to work very well years ago. But that’s not the world we live in anymore. And it’s not just parents. People don’t respect titles, they don’t respect positions, and that goes all the way up even to the president.

In the past, positions and titles, designations meant much more than they do today. And some of those things had some value, some of them didn’t have as much value. And some of the way things are viewed today can be valuable. Sometimes they’re an overreaction to the way things used to be. And so today, more people want to know why are we doing this? What’s the reason for it? They don’t care that you’re the CEO. They want to know why. They want to see the results. They want to see the fruit. And if your approach as a CEO is because I’m the boss, that’s not going to go so well, and you’re going to lose a lot of employees. Because they want to see the end result and they want to see where this is going.

They’re going to question, they’re going to dig. There’s not an approach that focuses on just outright loyalty and dedication to a company or to a person. That has never fully been the case, ever. But certainly there is more of that in the past, a sense of loyalty, maybe in past generations that has been lost in more modern generations. I’m speaking very stereotypically, and obviously there’s going to be plenty of exceptions to all of this, but I will say also, on the other hand, younger generations have bought into a lot of popular psychology in which authority in general is rejected as suspicious, influenced in many ways by people they don’t even know they’re influenced by, Marx or Nietzsche or Freud. Ideas like authority is just exploitation, or all the morality structures in your life, whether it’s religion or your parents are just there to oppress you, and they have formed, you kind of become a victim to the system.

And now the government or religion or your parents have all oppressed you for their own purposes. This sort of mentality is everywhere around us, and this outright rejection in a really ungodly sort of way of authority. And so we see people abandoning religion, and even unfortunately, a more recent phenomenon, shutting out their parents. As I was working on this very thing this morning, I received an email of an article, and this was the title Why More Adult Children Are Going No Contact with Their Parents. This is a thing right now. They have been convinced that they are victims of their parents and all their parents’ harsh treatment and all the things around them that they are having problems with are all to blame on their parents, and so in our society, a very victim-based society, now people are beginning to shut their parents out more and more and more.

And so I just want us to see the sociological aspects of this that influences us sometimes in ways we don’t even recognize.

Authority certainly can be corrupt and abusive. And rebellion towards authority is likely born from a lot of those abuses, something we should take seriously, and we’re going to this morning as we talk about parenting. But I do want us to understand that authority in and of itself is not a problem, even though it’s often presented that way in our culture. Authority is not inherently evil and wrong and bad and oppressive. Sometimes the negative view of that has simply come from the abuses that some have used in their authority. Ted Tripp, who wrote a book called Shepening a Child’s Heart, which is in some ways the foundation of a lot of what we’ll be doing. And I know it influenced some of what you did in the classes as well in the back when you were doing the parenting classes last quarter.

This man has a lot of experience, and I really liked this conclusion he brought out, and I think it sets the stage for where we want to go. He said, My observation after 35 years of school administration, pastoral work, and counseling is that children generally do not resist authority that is truly kind and selfless. And I just have to say for myself, I can’t speak for you. I just have to say for myself that if I’m honest, typically the resistance I have seen from my own children is often based when it hasn’t been dealt out very kindly or very selflessly. And when we have patterns of that taking place, it can produce bitterness and a rebellious spirit, the sort of thing that we certainly do not want to be building in the hearts of our children.

So the focus of what we’re going to be doing in all of these sermons, but this morning when we talk about authority is really the idea of parental authority to focus on attitudes, to focus on the heart and not just the end result, not just the behavior. You can train your children and you can do it very harshly for them to never step out of line. And at the same time, they have bitterness and hate in their heart. And so the end result, the behavior in and of itself, doesn’t necessarily tell the whole story. And what we as parents need to be working on and growing in is making sure we’re dealing with the deeper matters of the heart.

1. All Authority Is From God

But here we just learn this basic concept that all authority is from God, for there is no authority except from God. This is chapter 13 and verse 1 of Romans. And those that exist have been instituted by God. This is where I want to hit though in verse 2. Therefore, whoever resist the authorities resist what God has appointed. Now I understand here in Romans 13, he’s dealing with civil authority and all of that, but this is kind of foundational to the concept of authority. If we realize that authority has come from God, and what we’re going to spend some time talking about here in a minute is that God has given parents authority. What we realize then is if we resist that authority, you’re not actually resisting your parents, you’re resisting the authority of God.

That is a foundational element, I think, for parents and children to both understand. I’m not trying to hang this all on the children and say, you need to understand this. No, actually, as parents, we need to be teaching this. This needs to be part of the fundamental instruction and teaching that we give to our children when we discipline, sometimes when we need to rebuke, all of this should come from the place that God is the ultimate authority, not me, not my wife. And in a certain way, this is actually extremely important in terms of changing the way people view authority. All the negativity and the abuses that people see and authority in the world come because people do not actually rely on God’s authority. They look at their own perceived inherent authority and they think it comes from them, and that’s where they go on power trips and they are harsh and they are ugly.

They have lost sight, even from a civil authority type of way, as we see here in Romans 13, of the fact that God is actually what stands behind all of this. And when we lose sight of God, authority is bound to go wrong. It is bound to be abusive and totalitarian and ugly and harsh and unkind and lacking in mercy and in grace. Because what that becomes is I just want to do it for me. It’s what’s easy or convenient or what I like most. And it all becomes about what I want because I have the authority. That’s the way the world is going to function, and that it’s not the way that God wants us to function. I want us to understand that both parent and child in Ephesians 6 are under the authority of God.

We just are under the authority of God in different roles. Children, you are under the authority of God, in Ephesians 6 specifically, and making sure you honor and obey your parents. That is the instruction he’s given. And he gives some reason for this. He says, first of all, this is right. It’s just inherently good and right. It is moral. This is the way he set it up. It’s the way God wants it to be. And so he says, honor your father and your mother, right? And this is the right way to do it. It also, in Colossians 3, tells us it pleases the Lord. It’s honorable to God. It’s what he wants and what he realizes is best. And when you honor your father and your mother and you obey them, it’s actually giving honor and glory to God as the one who established all of this.

But he even gives reasons beyond that. Don’t we like that as kids? We want to know why. Why do we have to do this? Well, God tells us. He gives us practical reasons in chapter 6 and verse 3, and actually, he takes this from Exodus 20 and verse 12, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. So he’s giving us practical reasons, right? It’s not just the morality, it’s not just honoring God. It also has a practical element of this as well. Generally speaking, when we obey our parents, when we honor the things of God, and this is true in life in general. We go to wisdom literature, we look at Proverbs or Psalms, Ecclesiastes, and we see the wise ways to live.

Generally speaking, that means good things for us in life. Not always, but we’re speaking in generalities here, and that’s what he’s doing here. You obey your parents and you honor them, you’re gonna live long in the land. Now, there, specifically from Exodus 20, he’s talking about the promised land. That’s the context, and you’re gonna go to the promised land, and if you will honor your parents and you will live like this, you’ll spend a lot of time there, and you won’t face the covenant curses of being removed from the land because of disobedience. But Paul’s pulling that concept forward and giving it here for parents and children to consider in life under the new covenant with Christ. If you will obey your parents and listen to them and understand their wisdom and honor them in life, things will go well for you.

2. God Has Given Authority to Parents

But there’s also warnings to parents. Specifically here, he says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. But bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. Both sides of that are extremely important of what we’re dealing with this morning. But I want to focus just for a minute just on this reality that the duty God gives us as parents, our obligation is to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That’s my responsibility. That’s my wife’s responsibility. If you’re a parent, that is your responsibility. We don’t bring them up in our own ways, according to our own rules and our own way of thinking. We bring them up according to the ways of the Lord. And parents must exercise authority in submission to God’s plan.

This is what is good and it is what is best. Jonathan’s going to spend a lot more time kind of breaking down and dealing with the flaws and a lot of popular psychology in parenting. He’ll do that in a later lesson, but I will mention this morning. Any child-led parenting method should be completely rejected on principle. It is completely against the will of God. It has nothing to do with what God has told us to do as parents. It is insanity. Children need parents because they don’t know what’s best for them. Now, what I’m not saying is that we’re not interested in the desires of our kids and the things they like and the things they want. What I’m saying is we are making a huge mistake when we allow our children to become their own bosses, which is essentially what often happens in culture.

Parents are mostly there to make suggestions. Do you want a juice box? Do you want apple juice? Do you want some water? Do you want milk? Do you want a peanut butter and jelly? Do you want a hot dog? And they’re just catering to all the things their kid wants. And the kid says, no, until they get what they want. And they begin running the house. And it starts from a very early age. There’s a short text in Genesis 18 in verse 19. That is in the context of the promises to Abraham. But it’s an interesting statement there that God says, He’s talking about some things related to the covenant, but he tells them, I have chosen him, speaking of Abraham, that he may command, or it might say direct in your translation, may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice.

I want us to understand that God has given authority to parents, not to the children. It was Abraham’s job to command and to direct his household and his family. Now we’ll talk about ways and ways to do this and ways not to do this. But the idea here is he was to be in charge. He and his wife were in the position of authority in this home and not to allow their children to run the home and determine all the things that were going to take place in this house. That is not healthy, it’s not good, it is not what’s best. In fact, Proverbs 29 15 says, the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. When we just allow children to do whatever it is they want to do, this does not go well.

3. As a Parent, I Work for God, Not Myself

But they do need our guidance. They do need our direction, as Abraham is told here. They need to be commanded even about what things are right and what things are good. They need the experience of their parents to help lead them away from the things of the world. And rejecting authoritarian models of parenting, modern models seem to swing to the other extreme, allowing children to kind of run the home and be the decision makers while the parents run around catering to every whim the child has, trying to keep them happy, making sure they don’t get upset. And what I want us to understand about all of this is that God has given authority to parents. And the second thing that relates to this as we move through this progression is that as a parent, I work for God, not myself.

I’m bringing them up according to the disciplines that God has given us in Scripture, not just the things I’ve come up with. This is not to make me happy as the head of the house. I’m going to put my foot down and everything has to be my way. That’s not good parenting. It’s pointing people to the things of the Lord and what he wants. And I mean in this, even in our instruction, even in our reproof or our rebuke, or sometimes we might think of it as punishment, when we have to punish our children, directing them, not just because I’m upset, you’ve irritated me, I’m embarrassed, or whatever the reason is, no, because you have not honored the things of God. I again, I can only speak to my own experience in this.

I know with my first two children, we were not that great at this. We were going to be the best parents ever, and everything was going to be our way, and they were never going to break any rules. I mean, I remember when Chelsea was little, we lived in Tennessee, and we had a really nice line between our living room and our kitchen, which became this boundary, you know, that we had to enforce at all cost. You know, you’re not allowed in the kitchen. And so she’d crawl over and her little foot would go over and bam, we would get her, you know. until she learned our rules. Now, look, boundaries are important. But when it becomes about me being the authority and the power and making sure she knows who’s the boss and who’s in control, I’ve lost sight of my mission.

I’ve lost sight of what’s most important because I’m not the boss. I’m not in control. I’m just a parent working for the Lord. It is my obligation to guide and to lead and to direct my child as best as I can, as Hebrew 12 talks about, knowing that the Heavenly Father does this for our good. He knows what’s best. He knows what’s good. I’m simply trying to follow that model to the best of my ability. And young people, the reality is we mess up as parents. And there’s times we have to admit that and we have to apologize, but what we’re trying to do, hopefully, is work for the Lord and work for the things that matter most to him, not for our own gain or our own benefit.

Bringing it up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord means that my primary job is not your education, or not that you’re socially adjusted, or you’re well behaved, even. Those are good secondary results, and hopefully we get there with a lot of them. But the primary goal is that I’m teaching you to love the Lord if you’re my child. And I’m working on your heart, and I’m taking time not to just reinforce that you did something wrong, but why it was wrong and the attitude behind it being reshaped into an attitude that understands the importance of submission, and part of that is talking to my child about my need to submit to the Lord and how I parent. That was a fundamental change that we tried to bring with our last two children.

If they had to be punished or there was going to be some sort of reproof or rebuke, we would spend the time talking to them about how if we’re going to be good parents, we need to do what God has asked us to do. It’s not because I’m mad or angry, or you have irritated me, or I finally snapped. It’s because we want to fulfill our role. Our duty and what God has given us. Now, how were we perfect in that? We weren’t. But I do think it was better than where we were before. And it was all done in sincerity. We wanted to be good parents. We wanted the people around us to think we were good parents, which is another part of this topic as well.

We didn’t want other people thinking we had misbehaving children. And we have all these reasons as parents why we do the things that we do. But what I really want us to focus on this morning is the number one reason that we do what we do is because we’re working for the Lord. And it is to direct our children that way. And there’s all sorts of problems that begin to emerge when that is not our actual focus. When we don’t do things that way, it may seem right, it may seem good, that in the end, it doesn’t produce the desired result. For example, I can scare my kids into submission. I mean, I could be ugly and mean, I could be harsh, but what are they actually learning in that scenario?

Are they learning to fear God? They’re learning the fear of man. They’re learning how to submit for their own survival, essentially. To get on to the next day. Meanwhile, they become bitter about authority and they’re actually pulled further away from God in that scenario because they begin to resist authority. They see the abuse of authority and they begin to imagine that must be what God is like. Because as a parent, I am the first example to my child of what divine parenting is like of the heavenly father. So, parents, we need to take seriously the way that we raise our children. Understanding that we’re working for the Lord and not for ourselves.

4. A Biblical Shepherding Model of Parenting

But there’s also the kind of the other side of that, which is a very permissive, passive kind of parenting, which I think in many ways is kind of this overreaction to the first. And then what we’re trying to get to is a kind of biblical shepherd sort of model where we want to guide our children. We want to bring them along. We want to teach them about the Lord, and we want their heart to be transformed by the power of the gospel, to believe in Jesus Christ, and to want to honor Him and obey Him in their life. But I want us to see the nature of what takes place in these different models. From an authoritarian model, we think we can control and we think we can shape behavior, which may work for some time.

It seems really effective, and this is what I was getting at earlier. When your child is a year old, you can literally pick them up and take them anywhere you want to go. You can strap them into a seat and they cannot get out. You can control every part of their life. My 16-year-old son, I can’t do that anymore. I mean, even a seven-year-old. Have you ever tried to control a seven-year-old when they don’t want to be controlled? It begins to get very difficult to use that style of parenting. It becomes less and less effective the bigger and the stronger the child gets. Now, there are ways to continue this, like I’m going to take things away from you, like your freedom and your car or your friends, or we can do all sorts of things to try to control our children.

And now look, sometimes the punishment fits the crime. And we do things like this because it fits. You do something with your car you shouldn’t have, it may get taken away for a while. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t do that. But it is the attitude, right? It’s what is best for you. What are we trying to accomplish? Are we trying to show our child that I’m in control and you better do what I say, or else I’m going to ruin your life and take everything away from you? If so, that is the sort of mentality that leads to where we are with authority today. It is leveraged through fear. And it promotes bitterness and anger and hate. But then there’s the other side of this, which is kind of the permissive.

I don’t want to be that kind of parent, I want to be my child’s best friend. I want them to love me at all times. And what I’m really after, I just want peace. Now, the really ironic thing about this one is it actually does just the opposite. When your goal is peace and happiness in the family, and so we’re just going to kind of let everybody do what they want, it results in absolute chaos and frustration. This is where the children are running the home instead of the parents. And the mom or the dad are begging the children to do what they want, you know, bribing them to get the things they want to get out of them, which only just teaches greed in their heart, by the way.

So now we’re teaching the wrong things. Right? The normal activities they should be doing, we have to give them something to get them to do it. What does that teach them? And so when we go with these other models that are not actually the biblical model for parenting, it produces results that are not actually what we really want. And so the permissive parent, and I’ve seen this so many times, that they try to be patient and they try to be tentative and they want to be passive and they don’t want to lay down rules, and you know what happens in the end? They absolutely snap. They get angry, they get frustrated, they lash out at their child because they didn’t listen the first 20 times, they asked them nicely to do something.

Have you seen it? I’ve seen it. And so while the goal was peace, while the goal was to not be like my parents or not be like someone else, I saw the end result is still anger and irritation and frustration. And what I’m proposing to you this morning is that if our goal is to transform the heart, the end result is going to be much better. Now we only will do this to the extent that we are successful in following the model. And as a parent, anyone who’s a parent knows this is difficult. You’re trying to do the right thing. Do you ever get irritated? Do you ever lose your cool, get angry? Hopefully, as we grow and we mature, we find ways as parents to try to work through that.

And we aren’t perfect, and a good bit of humility has to be involved in this process as well. But the end goal is to get to this kind of biblical shepherding model. Now, some of you maybe this graphic works for your thinking a little bit. You think of like a gauge at any given moment, or maybe you could think just overall, where do I fit? As we’re sitting here this morning and you’re thinking about the way you parent your child, where’s the gauge hitting? You know, you apply it to yourself, where is it ending up? Or in that incident this morning or yesterday, when you think about even just that one situation, what happened there? Was it actually based in selfishness and me getting what I want, or my irritation, or my embarrassment of what my child did?

And so I lash out or I get angry or I get upset, I get it. I’m not trying to be judgmental here about it. Because I’ve been there. But what I want us to consider is how much better it is to get over here and to react in a loving and careful way, to use scripture to point our child to God. Even when rebuke, even when punishment is necessary, it’s housed in who God is as the authority. Not because I said so. Not because you’ve offended me. Not because you’ve disrespected me as a parent, though you may have done that. What you’ve actually done is been rebellious toward God. And that needs to be the lesson. A lot of this is not even necessarily a big shift in action.

Probably will be some. It is more so a shift in attitude and language that we use. I remember my parents when I was younger, my dad specifically, saying, This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. At the time, I thought that’s crazy. I don’t believe this. But what I realized is that was his way of trying to get here, right? He didn’t really want to have to punish me, but he understood that his job as a father, under the authority of God, was to direct me, to sometimes chastise me, to train me, to teach me. Sometimes those things aren’t very comfortable. But the goal was to point me in the right direction. To make me understand he’s not doing this for his own benefit, but for the benefit of me, ultimately, and what that means for me in my heart.

I think a big part of this, and something that’s hard for some of us, myself included, is not just the patience that comes with this, but the humility to apologize to your children. Have you ever apologized to your child? It’s not very fun to do. But it may be one of the most important things we do as parents. Say, I’m sorry, I was angry. I shouldn’t have done that. That was an ungodly way to react to you. And in that moment, it may very well be that there was outright disobedience. There was disrespect. There is bad behavior or any of those things. That’s really besides the point. The point as a parent, me as a parent, or you as a parent, is that I do this.

Am I modeling that for my child? And if I didn’t, whatever it is they did, I probably need to have the humility to apologize for that. Now, that doesn’t mean there’s now going to be no correction or no discipline or no teaching or any of that. It’s just modeling accurately what Scripture teaches us. We are all under God’s authority. And when I haven’t done it the right way under God’s authority, how am I any different than them? And what they didn’t do under God’s authority.

Biblical shepherding model of parenting, not just, it doesn’t just transform the heart. It also demonstrates divine love and mercy and grace.

And never once is there uttering of grace or mercy. What does that teach the child about God?

5. Biblical Parenting Is Done With Love

If you live in a home where everything seems to be okay, we’re too nervous to talk about anything or bring up any issues that come along, tell them something has been done incorrectly, call out manipulation or lying, what does that say about God? Ultimately, as a parent, I’m my child’s first experience about authority and who God is. And so all of this comes down to this reality, and that is biblical parenting is done with love. We’ve sort of been hitting on all of this already. And you say, of course I love my child. I get it. I love my children too. But how often are we parenting from exhaustion? Or emotions, stress, pride, anger, embarrassment, frustration, and irritation. Are we harsh when we should be patient?

Are we passive when we should take action? And I admit fully that sometimes it’s hard to know when to jump in and be involved, and that just gets more complicated as your children get older. And you’re trying to figure out when do I need to say something, when do I need to get involved, and when do I need to let them figure it out themselves? I’m not saying these are easy things to do, but it is the way we think through this, and the end goal, are we trying to do our best for them for their good, or is it just convenient not to say something? Because it’s a difficult conversation. And we want to avoid conflict. Because we didn’t like the conflict we had with our parents or whoever the authority figure was in our life.

Are we just too tired? It’s been a long day. We just don’t want to have to deal with it anymore. I will suggest, in a permissive home, that is very likely. You’re so exhausted from running around trying to keep your kids happy all the time that it is hard to take care of anything that actually needs to take place.

Which is emotional manipulation, by the way. That’s not teaching them anything good. Harsh parenting is not loving parenting. Might makes right is a bad foundation for authority. It doesn’t shape the heart, it merely instills the wrong lessons. If my authority works based on being bigger and stronger and forcing my will, I’m going to be really disappointed as my children get older. If my line of thinking is you upset me, so you’re going to pay.

That dishonors the authority God has granted me in raising my children.

Mostly built on embarrassment, irritation. We’ve had it. Have you ever said that? I’ve told you ten times. And then we lash out. Do you see the flaw? Permissive parenting is also not loving. There’s plenty about this in scripture. Eli’s house is condemned. This is in 1 Samuel. The house of Eli is condemned because of his permissiveness, his passive parenting, which was not loving at all in reality. God says, I’m about to punish his house forever for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God and he did not restrain them. 1 Samuel 3 13. Proverbs says, Whoever spares the rod hates his son. But he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Hebrews 12 and Proverbs 3 talk about this. Why is it that the Lord disciplines us?

It’s because he loves us. If he didn’t love us, he wouldn’t care. And so when we don’t say anything, we just let things go, we’re just permissive and passive because we think that’s going to somehow win over our child’s love and affection. It’s just showing how much we don’t love them in the moment. We’re not willing to take the step to do what’s actually needed. Biblical parenting involves training that is not pleasant. It’s just not going to be pleasant at the moment. Our kids are going to be mad at us sometimes. They’re going to say, I don’t like you, especially when they’re younger. Hopefully, when they get older, they don’t say that as much anymore. But it’s our job.

To life. The Hebrew writer says, for the moment, all discipline or training seems painful rather than pleasant. But later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. It’s just not fun to go through training sometimes, but then the end result of that brings peace. That’s where true peace comes from. That’s the ironic thing about all of it. If we’ll follow God’s plan and do things his way, that’s what brings peace and joy and fulfillment to the extent to which we can accomplish that. And what’s really strange to me as I think about what I’ve witnessed and seen in the world is that there’s really just this very fine line between permissive and harsh parenting. The permissive parenting brings chaos and frustration and lashing out and snapping. But also authoritarian does kind of the same thing ultimately too.

They’re just two sides of the same coin. Parenting out of love is looking out for their best interest. If I love my child, I will correct manipulative behavior, lying, anger, greed. These things are not cute. They’re never cute. They’re heart problems. And sometimes those corrections will be gentle, they’ll be subtle. But even from a young age, we should realize the need to be shaping the child’s heart. Something’s influencing them. It should be us as parents. If I love my child, I will teach bad behavior as rebellion toward God, not just a personal offense against me. We house it in God and who he is and his authority. If I love my child, I will be their first example of divine grace and mercy. We all need it.

I need mercy, I need grace, and I need to show my child mercy and grace. If I love my child, I will not discipline them to please other people. Social pressure. Have you ever felt that? Other people have opinions about what you should do with your child. And so, although you wouldn’t have probably done that, your child will pick up on the inconsistency. And you know your child and you know the things you’ve been working on because some other person around you puts this pressure, you feel the need to discipline that. That’s not disciplining from love. And so what I hope we’re seeing here is it’s very complex. When we allow the world to influence our thinking, and we begin to do things because of the way how we feel and what we want and our conveniences and what is easy.

Conclusion

It can lead to a number of problems. I know that this is not easy things to think about, particularly as parents. We’ve got to allow young parents, you’re beginning this process. But I hope that the main principle is helpful. The idea that God is the true authority, and I’m simply working for him. I’m a steward of his creation. And to the best of my ability, I need to be guiding my children toward him. I need to demonstrate love. I need to demonstrate grace and mercy to them, understanding that not only is my child under authority, I am also under authority. And I will give account to my father for the way I have treated his sons and daughters. That applies even beyond just our children. You know the scenario.

You tell your child it’s time for dinner, and they run out and yell at their siblings, come inside, dinner’s ready.

How does that go? And they come back in, nobody’s coming. They didn’t listen to me. And what do we say? Oh, how did you say it? Here’s what I want you to do. Go out again and say, Mom said, dinner’s ready. Do you understand the principle? God said, I and my wife, we are the authority in the home. It is my responsibility to parent my children, not for my own good or for my own benefit, but for theirs. And when my child does wrong or they need correction, God said, It’s my job to correct and to teach and to demonstrate to them the way things should be. It’s not my own authority. It’s God’s.

Applies to marriage. It applies to friendships, the way we treat people. These concepts and principles apply everywhere. But the first step in all of this is giving yourself to the Lord. And I don’t want to leave this morning without making this invitation for you to come and do that. Give yourself to Jesus Christ and begin this process of following him in all aspects of your life, including the way you parent. Can we help you do that this morning? Why don’t you come now as we stand and we sing?