The Bitter Brother

Introduction

It was interesting. Today I got a message from one of our members said to tell her nephew Dean hello. Hello.

It is good to see all of you out tonight. Thank you for being here.

It’s great to go places where you think you know nobody and know a lot of people. And there’s a couple of those folks in the audience. The Cashmere’s and I go way back. I first met them when I was in college. Went to school with one of their daughters. And I remember hearing Joseph preach a lesson, and I loved it. And at that point, by the way, I was not going to be a preacher. In fact, I don’t think I’d ever preached a sermon. And I told him how much I liked it, and he gave me the outline. I wish I still had that. I wish I was together enough to still have that. But I don’t, but I remember what that was, and I always made impression.

And Joseph and Bessie are great folks. And I’ll never forget the first time I went to the home of Murph Turf and met Bill Murph. And it’s good to see him, thankful for him coming over. We’re in Luke 15. We’re in Luke 15. And it’s time for us to look at the third of the three characters we’re going to look at together from this story. We’re going to talk about the bitter brother. I read a story one time about a lady who went to a prison fellowship meeting, and she got up and she made the following statement at that meeting. She said, The man I ate dinner with tonight killed my brother. And she went on to detail how that this man had killed her brother earlier during a robbery, and he had served 18 years in prison for his crime.

And she met him 20 years after that crime. And she felt compelled to give, forgive him. And she even took him to her father’s deathbed, and her father forgave this man for killing his son. And after she said that, the man got up and he made this statement. He said, Christians are the only people I know that you can kill their son and they’ll make you a part of their family. And he followed that by saying, I don’t know God, but he sure is hounding me. Would you have forgiven that guy? Because I got to be honest with you, I’d like to say that I would, but I know there’s just a part of me that it just feels natural to never forgive him. And I think most of us probably wouldn’t.

I tell you why. Because I know we fail to forgive people for far less than murder. One young man once came to his spiritual family publicly, and he confessed his struggles with homosexuality. He had fought that for years. He finally mustered up enough strength to let his brethren know, and he confessed that, and eventually the gossip and the condemning eye, and it was true, I know that for a fact, because I was there, forced him to leave and go somewhere else. Thankfully he didn’t lose his faith. Or the other guy that I know who had confessed a problem controlling his lustful thoughts, and he was upfront and forthright about his temptations and struggles, and he did so that people would be able to help him and encourage him.

Instead, people wouldn’t even talk to him or call him on class, or they treated him differently. Those are real stories. How that sin, when people come clean, sometimes it’s held against them. Well, I think that’s why it’s important to talk about this brother. Let me say I don’t have all the answers here, but I think this story is something we need to make sure we kind of understand. And when we look at this brother together, we need to understand the story from his point of view. And that is one day you find out your younger brother has had a discussion with your father. And that discussion goes something like this. Dad, give me a third of what’s yours. Give me a third of what’s yours because it’s mine, and I want that now.

I don’t know how you’d have felt, but if my sibling, I am the brother of a sister. If she had done that, I’d been a little upset. And then your brother leaves. Now I’ll be honest. My sister left when I was a kid, that’d be reasonable party. But we live in a different culture than they did. Because the departure of that brother was a loss of a worker, too. And not just any worker. This is a loss of a worker with a vested interest. He’s a part owner of the company, if you will, or eventually. And it’s a father and his two sons, and oh, yeah, they have hired servants, and I don’t disagree with that. But these are the guys that own the company, if you will.

It’s the family farm. And one of them are gone. He’s out. So now the older brother’s got to pick up all that slot. And the younger brother’s quick departure and leaves them shorthanded. And every day that older brother went to work. Only now, not only had he lost his brother in the work, but I’ve got to tell you, according to verse 20, if what we talked about last night is true, the father’s out there looking for the son. Now you’ve got the other part owner of the company who’s kind of distracted by something else. Because this dad appears to be a little bit more concerned about his son who left than the son who stayed, at least from what this son feels later. I wonder how many times this son went and found his dad sitting on the porch looking.

And I know I’m taking some poetic license there. I understand that. But just think about that. Can you imagine going out and saying, Dad, what are you doing? Oh, I’m just looking to see hope when your brother would come home. Wonder how many times if that would have happened if this was a true story. Maybe that never happened, but the reality is weeks, months, and I would say probably years went by because in verse 29, we’re going to read in a minute. He says, Look at all these years I’ve been serving you. I mean, you’ve got to understand this brother’s gone for a long time. Nobody knows where he’s at. And then one day, this brother returns and there’s a party. Must have been confusing for him to come home and hear dancing and music.

He knows there was no plans for a party. In fact, I would tell you, I got to get the feeling because of the way the father acts, I doubt very much was celebrated over that course of time. There’s kind of this cloud of gloom and doom across the ranch there, if you will. And he knew that today was like any other day, but he comes home and something’s changed. Start reading with me in verse 25. It says, His older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. Verse 26, he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, Your brothers come and your father’s killed the fattened calf because he’s received him back safe and sound.

Verse 28, but he was angry, and he refused to go in. And his father came at it and treated him. Can you imagine that? What? They’re throwing a party? My brother who’s wasted an inheritance, a third of everything my father has, who left and took a vested interest away from us, who’s obviously home because he’s worthless and penniless and homeless and hungry. He’s back and dad’s throwing a party about that. I’m not going in there. I’m not going to celebrate this. Keep reading. His father comes out and entreats him in verse 28 and verse 29. He answers his father and he says, Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command. Yet you never gave me a young goat that I might celebrate with my friends.

But when this son of yours came, who devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed a fattened calf for him. And he said to him, Son, you’re always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive. He was lost, and he’s found. I want you to notice a couple inflammatory statements made here. First, I have been here slaving for you. And your translation may not say that. It may sound like mine. Look, these many years I have served you, but understand what that’s really saying in the language, the word used there in the translated serve is the idea of a slave ship. I have been in bondage for you all this time.

I’ve been a slave to you. Look, you need to understand something. The older son was not in bondage. He was a son. There’s a big difference between those two. And this culture understood the difference between those two. Look at this statement. I never disobeyed your commands. It’s not going to be on the screen, but I just want you to think about that. I never disobeyed your command. You think that might have been a slightly self-righteous. I have never met a child who hadn’t disobeyed his parents’ command. Now, maybe by chance, you all were that child. But I don’t think so. I’m the most perfect guy I’ve ever met, and I know I disobeyed my parents. And then he goes on and says, But you never gave me a goat.

You know what the father tells him later?

I never gave you a goat because they’re all your goats. Everything you see is yours. You could have had a goat any time you wanted a goat. Because you go back to the beginning of the story, and it says the father divided his property between them. Understand something. When the father gave the young man his property, he also turned to the older brother and said, This is yours. You take it. And the son never understood that. You never gave me a goat. Well, it’s yours. You can have a goat anytime you want to. But when this son of yours came, who’s devoured your property. That’s a lie, by the way. That’s an outright lie. You know why? Because the dad gave it to the son, and therefore it became the son’s property.

And you need to understand that it was no longer the father’s. The son asked the father, the father says, sure. Here’s the stuff. And now, as a result of that, he has the ability to make choices with what he does. We need to understand that in the story of the prodigal son is this undeniable fact that all of us, when we receive our life, which is our inheritance from God, we can choose what we want to do with it. It’s a free choice. And I may not like the choices some people make, but it is our choice to make. And by the way, that’s why it means more to God when we choose him, is because we didn’t have to choose him. And then he says, Devoured your property with prostitutes.

Let me tell you something. That’s just slander. How do I know that? Because the older brother has no idea how the younger brother wasted his inheritance. Is it possible that’s how he wasted an inheritance? Absolutely. But do we know? No, we don’t know. This is an assumption by a brother who’s not even seen the brother of what happened with the stuff. He doesn’t even know where he went. It’s a judgmental accusation. And you could sum all that up by saying this. What the older brother’s really saying is this isn’t fair. That’s what he’s really saying. This isn’t fair. Well, not everything’s fair. But the reality is it is fair. And that’s why God says, everything that’s mine is yours. It’s fair. Your brother’s not going to get anything back.

He’s not going to get a second serving of inheritance. It’s fair. It’s just. I’m not taking anything away from you. I tell you, we’ve got to ask this question. And we don’t like this question. You know, the last two nights. We love answering this question. Because you sit there and you go, well, who’s the reckless son? Who’s the one that makes a mess out of life and come home and get accepted and everybody throws a party? Oh, I am. I am. Right? Because I like the story of salvation and grace and redemption. And who’s the father? Well, God is. And again, that’s the story of grace and salvation. But I’m also the older brother. And I don’t like to say that. Because here’s the reason why.

He’s the bad guy. And why would I want to say that I’m the bad guy in a story? Who wants to be the jealous, condemning, overcritical brother? I want to be the guy the party’s about, right? I want to be the guy that we’re celebrating. Surely I can’t be the older brother. But I am. Because there have been times where somebody has returned, and I have been critical and judgmental. And I have not wanted to forgive. And I have held the sins of other people over their heads. There are some people that I have looked at and their name comes up and I have said, Oh, you remember what he did. See, I’ve been that brother. You see, we want to talk about forgiveness when it’s the forgiveness we’re receiving.

Sometimes we don’t want to talk about forgiveness when it’s the forgiveness we’re giving. Why is that? Well, because I don’t look at the return of the sinner the way God does.

We’ve got to understand something. All of us have sinned.

And some of you might have sinned worse than me, and I may have sinned worse than you, but that doesn’t matter in the end. It’s not like we get to kind of put our batting average up, and as long as you hit over 300, you get to go into the gates of heaven. That’s not how it works. We’ve all sinned, and we’re only going to be able to go to heaven for eternity by the grace of God.

Which means we have to come home and be forgiven. I have never had a problem with alcohol. For a lot of reasons. Never drank. But I’m just as guilty of sin as an alcoholic. And I have never, I have never gambled. But I am just as guilty as the one who has a problem with covetousness and greed. And I’ve got to see that. I have never had a problem with the abomination of homosexuality. But my sins are just as much as a dirty abomination to God as that is. See, you’ve got to understand the point of this parable was not to tell us who God is. I mean, that’s a great lesson last night. And we learned a lot about God from it, but that wasn’t the point.

And the point of this parable in Luke 15 was not for us to identify with the younger brother. And that’s a great part of the story, and it’s good to learn those lessons, but that’s not why Jesus told it. Jesus told this story to show the Pharisees who they were, and they’re the older brother in this story. That was his point. When he talks about the lost sheep and the lost coin and the lost son, all of them are building up to this point where he wants the Pharisees to understand that they are the one who is standing outside, stomping their feet, folding their arms, and saying, life’s not fair. You’re going to all these sinners and prostitutes and tax collectors, and you’re talking to them and you’re trying to save them.

1. God Treats Us Fairly

Why is that? We’ve been here all this time serving you. And you’ve even admitted that we’re your people. And yet you’re there with those people. And Luke 19 10, Jesus tells them why. Son of man came to seek and save that which is lost. God wants the lost to come home. Now, let’s talk about what we learn here. Because that’s the important thing. Number one, we need to learn God treats us fairly. God treats us fairly. Now, there is this idea from this older brother. It’s not fair. No, it is fair. It’s fair. He’s not going to be treated better. Verse 31. All that is mine is yours. Everything here is yours. I understand. He even acknowledges you were always with me. I know you never left me.

I know where you’ve been. God understands and he knows. I don’t sometimes think we struggle with that. I tell you why. We struggle with balancing mercy and justice in our lives. We sometimes don’t understand how that works in the delicate balance it is. But let me tell you something, just so you understand this. God doesn’t struggle with that. God knows how to handle all that. He’s perfect. And so he gets it. And so we sit there and we point out that this older brother’s example is negative, but I’ve got to tell you something. His example’s not all negative, by the way. Understand something. He is commended. God says, look, wait a minute. I know you’ve always been here. You’re going to be rewarded for that. Did you realize that?

2. With Privilege Brings Responsibility

His faithfulness to his father is acknowledged there, in other words. I know exactly where you’ve been, I know exactly who you’ve been. I know that you’ve worked here all these years, and everything is yours. He’s commended for that. But you know what? He was going to get two thirds of the inheritance that was divided. He was going to get what rightfully came to him. It was fair, it was just. God is a just God. Secondly, with privilege brings responsibility. There seems to be this sense of entitlement from this brother. You read verse 29. Look, all these years, I’ve been here serving you. You never gave me a goat that I might celebrate with my friends. I never got to have a court. You killed a fattened cat for him, but not for me.

Sometimes Christians complain to me about how look at all these things that I’m doing, and nobody seems to notice.

I’m up here all the time teaching classes, and I’m visiting the sick, and I’m trying to teach my neighbor, and nobody seems to notice it. Or you notice somebody else, and you might say something about somebody else, and then, well, why did he get why did he compliment them and not me? Well, I’ve got to tell you what, if you’ve ever felt that way, that’s the attitude of the older brother in verse 29. Look at all that I’ve done, and you’ve never celebrated me. Well, you understand something. The older brother, he got more responsibility because he was the older brother. In this culture, one of the things that was expected was for him never to leave home. You’re born into the culture knowing that it’s the older son.

One of the reasons you get two-thirds of everything is because you’re staying there. With that double honor came this responsibility to be the one who becomes the patriarch of the family, in other words. And I think there’s an important point to point out. We had to understand. The older brother makes this big deal about how there’s no party for me. Look. My dad, when I was growing up, never rewarded me for doing what I was expected to do anyway. Like, if I made up my bed, I didn’t get a cookie. I would have liked that. But I tell you what, if I didn’t make up my bed, I got a whooping.

There comes a point where we have to understand something. We don’t deserve a reward for doing what is our duty.

When we have a job to do, responsibility as Christians. It is not our job to go out and make a big deal about it. To stand on the street corner, by the way, like the Pharisees did, and let everybody know, hey, look, I invited my friend to church today. Okay. We’ve got to understand that. Part of it is, as God’s children, as the redeemed, there’s a responsibility to teach the lost, and we ought to just do that without expecting any recognition for it. In fact, we need to do that and lose ourselves in such a way that the only one that gets recognition of that is God. Because to God be the glory in everything that we do. And so with that privilege comes responsibility. Now, can we do a better job of complimenting each other?

Sure. Can we do a better job of seeing what one another does and maybe saying, hey, I noticed you did this, I noticed you brought your neighbor to church. That’s fantastic. Thank you for doing it. Absolutely. I encourage you to do that. That’s building each other up. We’re told to do that. But we can’t demand that. I’m reminded of Matthew chapter 6, there in the beginning. He talks about these things that you do. And he says that when you do things, you sit and get recognition for them from yourself. Right? Like verses 3 and 4, when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand’s doing. Remember that passage? It’s not like, hey, look what I’m doing. With privilege comes responsibility.

3. Have an Attitude of Service

We need to learn that. We also need to learn to have an attitude of service. There’s a big contrast between these two brothers. Look at verse 29 again. And in verse 29, the older brother says, What? Look, these many years I have served you. I’ve never disobeyed your command. You never give me a goat, I could celebrate with my friends. Remember this term means to be a slave. Dad, all these years, I’ve been your slave, and you’ve never done anything with me. Now go back to verses 18 and 19.

And I want you to notice what the younger brother prepares to say to his father. He says, I’m going to go home and I’m going to say what? Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before you, I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as a hired servant. Look at the contrast in that. The older brother who stayed home, who now has the sense of entitlement and anger and bitterness says, Look, you’ve kept me here as a slave all of this time, even though he’s really a son. And the son who’s gone and wasted everything comes back and says, Dad, I know I can never be a son again. Just let me be a servant. Now, which of the two do you think had the better attitude?

We need to be servants.

Talking to a brother one time who had at one point in his life, done about just everything you could do to mess up his life. Father of four. He him and his wife are separated for a period of time. involved with all kinds of things. And thankfully, by the grace of God and by the involvement of his family and others, he serves as a deacon today at our congregation. Tremendous story of God’s grace. But he said to me one time, he said, you know, the people who’ve committed those serious sins and have found their way out of that are often more forgiving of others than those who’ve never experienced that. You know why that is? It’s this attitude of service. It’s the difference between, look, I know I’m unworthy.

I know that I should expect nothing. Let me just be a servant, versus, look at all this slaving I’ve had to do for you. We need to humble ourselves and understand that we are not God’s slave. We are his children. But we are children who serve. We need to be humble.

And understand that part of overcoming sin is finding humility.

We can attempt to return to God as many times as we want, but unless we come back as that humble servant. It doesn’t stick. Humility.

4. How Important It Is to Forgive

Look at all those inflammatory statements to the Father. All these years I’ve been serving you. I’ve never disobeyed your command. You don’t give me a goat. My brothers devoured your property with prostitutes. You look at all that he says, all the anger and the slander. Well, that’s why exactly we want to identify with the younger brother. It’s because we don’t want to act like we’ve ever done that. We don’t want to act like we are the person who won’t forgive people. It’s more reassuring to see yourself as the sinner who needs forgiveness than the person who’s withholding forgiveness. And so the point of this parable, though, again, is to show the danger of withholding forgiveness and judgment and being critical. And so let me just remind you this evening how important it is to forgive.

Matthew chapter 6 and verses 14 and 15. If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 18, 21 and 22, Peter came said to him, Lord, how often my brother sins against me and I forgive him. As many as seven times, he says, I do not say seven times, but seventy times seven. By the way, I had a brother one time told me that was literal. But his wife asked him for the 491st time to forgive him of something. He didn’t have to. Let me just say, if that is your position, you have missed the point.

Luke 6, 37, 38. Judge not, you will not be judged. Codem not, you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over will be put in your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. Luke 17, 3 and 4, pay attention to yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times today, turns to you seven times, saying, Say, I repent, you must forgive him. Colossians 3, 12 and 13. Put on then as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another. If each has complained against the either, forgiving each other as the Lord forgives you must also forgive.

Over and over and over again, the scriptures say you have to forgive one another. And if you don’t, God doesn’t forgive you. Let me tell you what that means. On the day of judgment, there’s going to be a lot of disappointed people. Because they will have gone to church and they will have done everything right to a decree. But they will not have forgiven people for their sins, and God will not forgive them. That’s what that means. Now look, there are words in there like repentance, and that’s important. Repentance means that you change. And I understand that. And we’ve got to make sure that we keep that in mind. That there is a responsibility of the one who asks for forgiveness to make a change. And there will be fruits that bear repentance.

And you’ll see that, but we have to forgive. And let me ask you this question tonight. And I’ll ask it this way. Who am I to withhold forgiveness from anybody? I mean, at the end of the day, for what I have done to God, who am I to withhold forgiveness from anybody? Why should I look at someone who has the courage to confess their sins with doubt and criticism and judgment because they have admitted their faults? Why should I do that? And who am I to castigate somebody in a lower class of Christianity because of something they’ve done and have the courage to admit to try to overcome simply because they’re trying to overcome? Why should I judge them? Especially when I am a sinner who needs the same grace to have eternal life that they do.

Who am I?

You know what’s really scary about this passage?

Is that the brother’s refusal to forgive his brother is destroyed the relationship with this brother. Do you notice how he talks about him? In verse 30, he says, When this son of yours came home. Not my brother, but when this son of yours came home. That’s well, that’s what failing to forgive does is it keeps us from being brethren. Gotta forgive. I can’t say something. If Jesus can forgive people who nailed him to a cross and hurled insults at him and spat on him. If he can forgive them for that. Well, I’ve got to be able to try to forgive people too. Don’t make somebody be a spiritual leper for the rest of their life. That’s what we do sometimes, is we give them spiritual leprosy and we quarantine them.

And we put them off to the side because of what they’ve done. A lot of times it’s just because they’ve been bold enough to ask for help. And I haven’t. Think about that for a moment. Every one of us in here has hidden sin that we don’t tell people.

5. See the Brother's Return as a Celebration

And we don’t tell people because we’re afraid of being treated the very way we treat people. Let’s not do that. And we need to see the brother’s return as a celebration. We just don’t look at people returning sometimes the way God does. We view sometimes people being rewarded for their bad behavior. I mean, this guy, this younger brother, goes out and he wastes all that he has and he comes home and they throw a party for him. I gotta tell you, just from a purely human nature standpoint, I understand why the older brother’s mad. I’d be mad too. I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. I would not want, I wouldn’t go in. Tony and I were talking at dinner tonight. I think one of the reasons for that is it does seem like human nature.

You feel like you’ve been slighted and you’ve been wronged. I’m not going to do anything about that. Oh. But the father’s answer was, What? You are always with me, and all that is mine is yours, but it is fitting to celebrate. Your brother was dead. He’s alive. He was lost and he’s found. I’m not rewarding your brother for bad behavior. I know what he’s done. I’m not giving him anything else. I’m going to be fair. I’m going to be just, but he’s alive. Can’t you see he’s a lie? The lost sheet is found. The lost coin is found. The lost son is whole.

Oh, that I could see the world and those lost in sin the way God sees them. And celebrate their return.

Conclusion

I want you to just be honest for a moment. I want you to think about you, not about other people. I want you to think about you. One of the problems about sermons like this is sometimes we like to look at the guy across the aisle. And by the way, you know, that’s just another form of this same problem. We’re trying to look at some guy’s speck, and here’s this beam sticking out of our eye. Take a look in the mirror tonight.

There are always people among us who have been the reckless son. And I want you to know something that’s a painful situation to see how far the reckless son fell. And how much he has to come out of. And the guilt that they’re surrounded with that haunts them, whether they admit that or not. But if they finally come out and admit that they’re labeled as this spiritual criminal and given a lifetime sentence. What we need to do is not lock them away, but we need to wrap our arms around them and love them and pray for them and with them.

Heard the story once of a couple who’d been married for 15 years. And they had their share of disagreements, and they were struggling, and so the wife had found some idea of how to solve that. And I don’t know. She probably found it on Pinterest. It sounds like one of those things. But they each had a fault box. And she said, Here’s what we’ll do. She had these nice little boxes she decorated. She said, We’ll take these. And when you’re irritated, you just write down on a piece of paper what irritates you. And you put it in the fault box. And rather than complaining and nitpicking all day long all the time, we’ll just we’ll make it a big event. We’ll go out at the end of the month, we’ll go on a big date, we’ll take our fault boxes, and after we eat, we’ll sit there and we’ll exchange our faults with each other.

Let’s have a real good date night where we tell each other how bad you are. But that’s what they did. Because all husbands know if it’s her idea, we’re going to try it. So they go out on a date. And boy, she was diligent. And so he sits there after dinner and he pulls out a slip of paper and it says you know, because she was like, hey, you open this first. Left the top off the jelly jar. Wet towels on the floor.