Just Drop It!

Introduction

Afternoon. Good to see you all here.

Why is it that our kids’ behavior seems to escalate once we get in the car? Does this scene look familiar to you at all? Hopefully not that drastic. But there’s something about a trip down the road that turns our kids or can turn our kids into the three stooges. Poking and prodding each other and just bugging each other to no end. Maybe it’s because they don’t think you can reach them, I don’t know, but whatever reason, sometimes we run into these situations. So, do you ever find yourself just asking them to just drop it? Quit bugging each other, just drop it when they have conflicts with each other. Can’t we all just get along? One of the most enduring statements that Jesus made before he was crucified was found in John 17, 20 through 21.

I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one as you, Father, are in me, and I am in you. That they may also be in one in us, that the world may believe that you sent me. We see the same emphasis on unity in other passages as well. In Ephesians the fourth chapter, Paul writes, I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you are called. With all loneliness and gentleness, with long suffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace. There are times, however, when in certain when certain situations test this bond of peace.

We, brothers and sisters of Christ, our spiritual family don’t always get along. We bicker over things great and small. And God is always the loser when Christians allow petty arguments or opinions to trump congregational unity. Of course, I’m not talking about things that have to do with defending truth or scriptural matters. I’m talking mainly about arguments and conflicts over judgment calls, social situations, misunderstandings, perceived offenses, or just personality conflicts. And if they’re not careful, churches can go from places of safety and fellowship to places of spiritual cannibalism, as described in Galatians the fifth chapter, and verse 13. For you, brethren have been called to liberty, only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this, you shall love your neighbor as yourself.

But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another. Churches can destroy themselves if they cannot drop it, so to speak, with old conflicts, bad blood, perceived personality disorders, or supposed incompatibility, incompatible personality types. And I say supposed because I think any time we say we’re we have a personality conflict with someone in the church, that’s really a cop out for just not being able to put what is best for the other person in front of our own in front of what we want. If we truly love one another and put others first, we will find a way to overcome any supposed personality conflicts. And if we’re all acting as we should, as Jesus has taught us, there should be no two personalities that cannot peacefully coexist with one another.

Let us not forget this. We have an adversary who is who never quits, and he’s always looking for ways to trip us up. And think how much he must enjoy it when he can find or create tension and conflict and problems within the Lord’s church. We’ve had two families who leave us recently over this very thing. They could not get over their own personal feelings of disagreement with either the elders or another member, and over matters of judgment and opinion. And there’s actually a situation like this in the Bible. So let’s look at a case study, if you want to call it that, in Acts the 15th chapter in verse 36, and see how they handled it in that situation. Starting in verse 36, Acts 15.

1. This Conflict Was a Matter of Opinion

And after some days, Paul said to Barnabas, let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord and see how they are. Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark, but Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there arose such a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord, and he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the church, the churches. So the first thing that should be observed about this is that this was a matter of opinion.

This conflict was a matter of opinion. It was a judgment call, not something ordered specifically by the Holy Spirit. Paul and Barnabas were not disagreeing over the content of their preaching, but over an incidental detail that had no bearing on doctrine. This is not an example of one preacher calling another preacher false and then dividing because of a stark contrast in content. Rather, it is two totally sound group, totally sound preachers, two totally sound Christians who cannot agree on bringing Mark with them. So it’s interesting that even in matters of judgment, brethren can become very heated because of their convictions. Paul kept insisting that somebody other than Mark go on the journey, but Barnabas wanted him. They both appear to feel very strongly about this matter.

And the text says that they that there occurred such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another. And the Greek were term that’s rendered sharp disagreement was used by medical writers in the ancient world to when a disease flared up and broke out in its most severe form. And then added to all this was the fact that Barnabas and Mark were related. Colossians 4, verse 10 says that they were cousins, which made Barnabas’s loyalty to Mark all the much stronger, and Paul’s refusal to take him all the more painful. Given these circumstances, you might expect that there would be a rift or an irreconcilable rift between the two parties involved. So, what happened? So they moved on. Rather than crippling the work of Paul and Barnabas, this conflict actually helped the spread of the gospel in the long run, as it gave both Silas and Mark an opportunity to join the apostles in their travels.

2. The Holy Spirit Did Not Side With Either

Perhaps the end of the matter wasn’t what Paul and Barnabas had originally envisioned when they began their journey, but the will of God was accomplished. So consider a few points. The Holy Spirit did not side with one or the other, so neither should we.

Both of them had valid, honest reasons for their decision, which shows that even when we may disagree on matters of judgment, nobody is being less Christ-like. If the Holy Spirit does not take sides, no one here should be asked to take sides. And yet, that is what the elders were asked to do just recently. We refused, and so they left. That is not endeavoring to keep the peace of the unity and peace. Even after the disagreement, the two are still close friends. In the years that follow this event, you’ll see that Paul speaks of Barnabas with words of praise in 1 Corinthians 9 and verse 4. I’m sorry, verse 6, and specifically mentions that Barnabas is worthy of the church’s support. They were able to get past their differences, they were able to drop it and go on with the Lord’s work.

We had people here who, when asked to drop it by the elders, instead spent six months accumulating evidence, much of it manufactured, to try to prove their persecution. There’s also evidence that Paul did not let this event hurt his relationship with John Mark, as Paul later speaks of the man as being useful to him in 2 Timothy 4 and verse 11. So the lesson here is that conflicts might have consequences, but the Christ-like person does not withhold affection and regard. Paul may not have trusted Mark with this particular task, but that doesn’t mean Mark was a worthless Christian or that Paul did not love him as a brother.

3. Be Careful Taking Sides

Christians will become offended on someone else’s behalf or take a side in a matter that was none of their business in the beginning.

Most of us know this passage. Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more that by the mouth of two or three witnesses, every word may be established. And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church.

Do not involve unnecessary people because that just encourages taking sides. Unfortunately, I have been involved in too many situations where people should have followed Matthew 18. They said later on they should have followed Matthew 18, but instead they told someone else because they didn’t have the courage to go to the person and talk to them directly. And that person, when you go to another person, that person just gets one side of the story. And I don’t think people lie or intentionally mislead, but we’ve been involved in numerous situations where we have we get told two different sides of the story, both very different, both told from each person’s perspective of what the events that occurred, to only to find out that re the reality is really somewhere in between the two.

So be careful taking sides because you only have one side of the story. If you’re involved in a matter with another member, excuse me, as was the case with Paul and Barnabas, we need to be careful not to take disagreements personally, also. Make sure the responsibility stays where it belongs and try to look at the positive side of the person who is disagreeing with you, essentially give them the benefit of the doubt. We also find people coming to erroneous conclusions based upon what they think they know about in certain a certain situation. And I and I have told people over and over, you don’t have all the information, you will never have all the information. if you cannot trust that the elders are making the best decision on matters of judgment, then you shouldn’t be worshiping here.

4. Holding On to Preconceptions About People

That sound too harsh. I don’t think so. It’s not meant to sound harsh. I think it’s just a natural conclusion that if you can’t trust that the elders have made a decision on something, then because they have all the information, then why would you put yourself under the subjection of elders that you don’t trust? Another impediment we face is holding on to preconceptions about people, whether it’s because of their past or their family members, you know, guilt by association. That’s happened here as well. People have brought up old information based upon what they know of someone from years ago, or from research they have done to try to dig up anything they can against this person, most of it’s secondhand information. We’ve told them that is something that happened years ago, has and has been settled long ago.

We cannot hold something against someone based upon their past behavior unless you know firsthand that it hasn’t changed. One thing we need to remember, as it says in Titus 3 verse 3 is maybe you too were once foolish. We need to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Maybe you too at one point were an object of a preconception. And you would hope that others would have seen and acknowledged your growth. So will you express the same optimism about other people? Try to think of the kind of people that Jesus encouraged to become part of his, to repent and become part of his kingdom. Social outcasts, people with marital problems, the homeless, capital criminals and swindlers. If the example of Jesus teaches me anything, then I’ve then I need to have room in my heart for my own brother or sister when conflicts arise.

5. Self-Centeredness Is the Main Culprit

Or will I always go through life assuming people and their problems remain static? In some parts of our culture, people have been trained to believe it’s cool to have someone you just don’t get along with, or that there’s bad blood between us. But the Christian has a higher calling. Ephesians 4, verse 31 says, Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. However, the main culprit I have found that causes problems and disagreements with brethren is self-centeredness, which was the root cause of both the families that recently left. James 4, 1 and 2 says, Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and you do not have.

You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight in war. The more self-centered our desires are, the more frustrated our response will be when those desires are blocked or denied. Some people just want to have things to go their way, and when they don’t go their way, they retaliate. James pinpoints this problem when he says that even among fellow Christians, wars and fights result from the inability of people to get what they want.

Think about anger as a reaction. If our focus is purely on the accomplishment of God’s purposes, there will be little anger in our response to any obstacles we face, simply because we know nothing that there can be nothing that will block God’s purposes from ultimately being achieved. If, however, what we really want is the satisfaction of our own selfish will, our reaction will be very different when someone stands between us and what we want. The response that has aptly been called demandingness is a sure symptom that our desires are centered on something other than God. We may not use the word demand, but that is exactly what we are doing when we want our way, and if we don’t get our way, we leave.

6. Waiting for Someone Else to Make the First Move

So I’ve heard well-meaning Christians justify their grudges by saying that the other person involved in the conflict never apologized or made any attempt at reconciliation. But when you talk to the other person, he says the same thing and believes it’s not his responsibility to make the first move toward a resolution. So we end up with two Christians who are expected to coexist in a congregation, who are expected to worship together, work together on benevolence and edification and spend eternity together who won’t say a word to one another. Does that make sense? Maybe the problem is that you’re waiting around for someone else to make the first move. Doesn’t God’s example mean anything? 1 John 4 10 and 11, and this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. God made the first move in reconciling us to him and now expects us to practice that same kind of love. True love finds inroad inroads, makes the attempt at reconciliation, never leaves a grudge to sit and fesser. It never takes into account a wrong suffered or seeks its own justification. First Corinthians 13, verses 4 through 6. 7. Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Those are words not just for our reading enjoyment.

Conclusion

Those are words to live by, those are words to practice. So, in conclusion, there’s the song. So, in conclusion, I knew this was going to be a short lesson. I practiced it and practiced it, and I always came out to 15 or 20 minutes. So you get you get some extra time to visit tonight. in conclusion, if any of us has an issue with a brother or a sister or with the elders, any issue that is not based upon something scriptural, can I ask you to consider just dropping it? Give the person the benefit of the doubt. If you can’t live with that, please go talk to them. Follow Matthew 18. And when you go talk to them, follow Galatians 6, verse 1, and do so gently and humbly, seeking to find common ground, seeking to understand, and do so out of love for the brethren and a desire to preserve the unity and peace.

If we have the right hearts, there should be nothing that is a matter of opinion or judgment that we come can’t come to an understanding on, even if that understanding is to agree, to disagree. Thank you for your time. If you’re not a Christian, why not use the opportunity tonight to come forward and submit yourself to the will of God and bury yourself in the waters of baptism and arise to be a new creature, washing away your sins and walking a new life. If you are a Christian and we can help you by praying for you can also come to the front. Either way, if we can be of any help, please come to the front as we stand and say.