“It Is Not Lawful”

Introduction

Well, I’m really hopeful that you got a nap this afternoon. Some of you look like you did not. If you did not, I’m going to ask you to buckle down for the next 35 minutes, because I want to talk to you about something that may help you down the road. This lesson is not going to answer every question or cross every T or dot every I, but I want to give you some principles that I think are critical to understanding the subject of marriage, divorce, and remarriage as the Bible presents it. And I’ve been saying for a long time that one of the key texts, turn my clicker off, thank you. Sabotage. One of the key texts for understanding those principles, is this text in Mark chapter 6.

And so while you’re still with me and awake, if you didn’t get your nap this afternoon, I want you to mark somewhere in your Bible around Mark chapter 6, marriage, divorce, and remarriage, because there are some principles here that you need to get. And again, after I’m done with this lesson, you may still have a lot of questions of what in the world was he talking about, but hopefully you can come back. If I can send you this outline if it would help, I would be glad to do that also. Now, here’s the occasion. In Mark chapter 6, there is a digression taking place. It is not the main chain of thought. In fact, this is about Jesus and his identity. But Herod, a ruler in Judea, is terrified that one of his deeds is coming back to haunt him, and that Jesus may indeed be John the Baptist, reincarnated.

It’s John, he says. He is risen, he says in verse 16. And so beginning in verse 17 of this text, we have an explanation of what has previously happened to John. Alright? So we’re getting a little past history here, why Herod is concerned that Jesus is actually John who is risen. For, and look at these verses, 17 and 18. I’m going to read four, but 17 and 18 are the ones I want you to circle. For Herod himself had sent and had John arrested and bound in prison on account of Herodias. Now look at this. The wife of his brother Philip. Now, Philip is also a civil leader. And so here we have Herod and Herodias and Herod’s brother Philip. He has married his brother’s wife.

So let’s read that again. He is in prison on account of Herodias. Now, Herodias is what’s healing all of this. The wife of his brother Philip, because Herod had married her. Okay, got this? The text says Herod married Herodias. Herod married Herodias. You got it. For John had been saying to Herod, it is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife.

Focus in on that phrase tonight, if you would. John the forerunner tells Herod, and this is why Herodias is so upset, and will ultimately be the one who orchestrates that Herod will put John the Baptist to death. With the dancing that takes place and the offer to Herodias’ daughter, that whatever you want, I will give to you. And Herodias tells the daughter to request John the Baptist’s head on a charger. Now, notice this again.

And Herodias had a grudge against him and wanted to put him to death and could not do so. For Herod was afraid of John. When reading this, I’m thinking, this is like the Ahab and Jezebel of the New Testament. Ahab, not an entirely rotten fellow, but Jezebel is always pushing the evil buttons. Herodias is putting John up to this, but Herod was afraid of John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man and kept him safe. And when he heard him, he was very perplexed, but he used to enjoy listening to it. So Herod actually enjoyed having an audience with John, and yet would ultimately put him to death by his own decree because of Herodians. Now let me just observe something here. If this isn’t any big deal, well, you know, this is John.

You know, it’s not something that they’re just laughing off. Herodias sees the implications of this. There are spiritual implications to what John is saying, to the extent we’re gonna get rid of him. We’re gonna silence the messenger. And so let me just throw that out there, since I’m a pretty constant messenger around here. If you silence the messenger, the message doesn’t go away. So don’t get any ideas.

But I want you to notice there’s some serious things going on here, and I want to make another observation right at the beginning, while you’re still with me, that is a very important observation. And that is this God cares about marriage vows and the permanency of the arrangement, and he’s gonna hold us accountable even if churches do not. And we live in a time when churches look the other way. It’s too messy. It’s uncomfortable. People don’t like what you have to say. They don’t like John’s that come along and say, I’m sorry. But the Bible teaches it is not lawful for you to be in this arrangement. This is Old Testament stuff. This is before Jesus speaks in Matthew 19 and verse 9 about the way it is.

And he talks about the hardness of their hearts that permitted things in the past before that’s even uttered. Here we have, in an old testament circumstance, John saying, God cares about marriage. This is his institution, and you have taken your brother Philip’s wife, and God disapproves. You have sin on your account. Herodias got it. John, I mean Herod, on the other hand, he liked John. So he wasn’t as animated in his response as Herodias was. Now, said get this. God’s going to hold us accountable. Even if churches do not. And a lot of people will rest themselves on the fact that the church approves of their union. This text ought to tell us that may not necessarily change anything. It is not lawful for you to have her.

1. Our First Word: Bound

I want to do three things with you tonight. This lesson has three points. Struggling with allergies right now for some reason, bad timing. Three lessons, three definitions. That’s what this lesson’s about. Three words that we need to understand on the subject of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. The first word that we really need to get is this concept of bound. And I want to go to a text in 1 Corinthians chapter 7. And we’ll come back to the thoughts of Mark 6 in a minute. Because in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, this is an entire chapter on the subject of marriage, which is mostly about staying single if you are in that circumstance because of the present distress. That’s really the main idea that’s going on. But Paul does a lot of teaching in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 about God’s expectations of marriage.

For example, if you’re married to an unbeliever, then you don’t need to be severing that union simply because you’re a believer married to an unbeliever. That’s one of the things going on in chapter 7. But a lot of principles in chapter 7 about how marriage ought to work and the expectations that God has. But I want you to look at verse 39 toward the end, right before he talks about what widows should do.

Verse 39. Okay. This is important. And because this is important, I’m going to take a one minute break. I’ve never had to do this, but I’ve got to find a cleanx. Okay. Okay, it’s the first time very. Oh, thanks. Alright. I’m good. That should take care of it. Okay, verse 39. A wife, 1 Corinthians 7 39. A wife is bound as long as her husband lives. But if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes only in the Lord. Okay, so I want you to just catch the principle. We’re not going to be able to talk about every aspect of this verse. But a wife is bound as long as her husband lives. And I’ll tell you what’s going on in this text in many of the marriage texts, like Matthew 19, it is assuming that we’re talking about an approved marriage.

If you’re in a marriage of which God does not approve, then he will not allow you to stay in that union. That’s what’s going on in Mark 6, right? It is not lawful for you to be married to her.

Alright, look at verse 27. Same principle here.

But if you’re in a God approved marriage, then you need to stay that way. And because of the present distress, if you are free or released, then you need to stay that way. That’s the point of verse 27. And so God is serious about binding. And that’s what Matthew 19 is all about, because the question is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all? And the answer is no. What therefore God is joined together. What therefore God has joined together, big word at the top, bound, let no man separate. But implied in Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians chapter 7, if you’re in a union where God is not bound, you’re committing adultery. More on that from Matthew chapter 5 in a minute.

Let me look at verse 2 with you quickly. And here’s what this shows also that he’s talking about someone having a right to an approved union. Verse 2. But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband.

If immorality is going to be a stumbling block to you, and you have a right to marriage, and that’s implied in that also, then by all means seek a wife. But remember, Herod and Herodias, not lawful. Okay, not lawful. So all of these passages are assuming people who have a right to marriage. Verse 2 would fit this bill as well. Okay, now I want to make a practical point here, so because this is going to be heavy stuff. Marriage is designed for companionship, help, friendship, even pleasure, and the enjoyment of family. But it is not the answer to every problem. And this comes from a text in Ecclesiastes chapter 9. One thing I want you to understand, if you find yourself, what therefore God is joined together, let no man separate, Matthew 19 and verse 6.

God never designed marriage to be the end all and be all of our existence. It’s designed for our betterment and our health. And of course, there is sexual intimacy in marriage. And all of this is a positive thing. And that’s why the wise writer says, enjoy life with the woman of your youth. In other words, make the most of marriage, make the most of your life. But then he goes on to say time and chance happens to all. A man does not know his time, and he’s caught in a snare. And so, even in that same context, he’s saying, bad things can still happen to you. Life can take some ugly twists and turns. Unfortunate circumstances can occur. I don’t know if you were watching the cycling race this afternoon on the Olympics.

I was talking to a few people about it. I don’t know, I usually don’t watch cycling at all, but I watched a little bit yesterday. Writers were crashing on the final descent, and sure enough, the lady who’s leading today runs off and leaves the poor American, which ultimately cost her a medal. And so a little bit indignant about that. But she runs off and leaves the American, and going down the hill, it’s raining. One of the worst wipeouts, the true agony of defeat. This is a new picture you’re going to see from now on. This lady crashes headfirst into the pavement. I thought she was really seriously injured. I said she was okay. But hey, time and chance just so happened to hit that curve wrong.

Whammo. Okay, a little off subject there. But time and chance happens. And so marriage is not the ultimate solution to everything. And then I came across this quote this week, and I want to share it with you, even though this really wasn’t the main theme I was getting at tonight. This is a great quote by Tim Keller. Perhaps some of our young couples have seen it recently. Disenchantment, the end of the honeymoon is common and has been for centuries. It is normal, even inescapable. But the depth of the disillusionment people experience in our time is something new, as is the speed with which marriages collapse in our day. Something has intensified this natural experience and turned it toxic. It is the illusion, and I love this.

2. Married: Meeting Societal or Government Requirements

This is a great point. It is the illusion that if we find our one true soul mate, everything wrong with us will be healed. But that makes the lover into God. And no human being can live up to that. So I provide that text in Ecclesiastes 9 and this quote to help provide a little bit of perspective about marriage, perhaps some more on the end, if I have some time. Okay, so that’s our first word bound. Now I want to go back to Mark chapter 6 and look at our second word that we need to properly define. People get confused when folks do not abide in the law of God, and they make statements that may appear to be correct, and yet they promote confusion.

In the case of Herod and Herodias, many might be tempted to say, Yeah, but they’re not really married in the eyes of God. May I suggest that is poor terminology? Because the text clearly says Herod had married Herodias. Herod had married her. Now I know what people are trying to say. God doesn’t say that they’re not really married or they’re not really divorced in some circumstances. What we are trying to say sometimes when we say that is, God has not bound. And that’s correct. God has not bound in the relationship of Herod and Herodias. But the text clearly says married. Now, why does it do that? Well, doesn’t that simply indicate that Herod and Herodias had a ceremony? Whatever societal factors were involved in having a marriage, just like we have some societal factors involved in having a marriage, whatever those were, they went through those things and rituals in order to be considered to be married, but God does not approve.

And so I want to suggest to you that the scripture, when it talks about people who are married, may do so of those who are approved by God or those that are unapproved. And again, just because you’re married, or even just because you’re divorced, as we’ll see in a minute, does not mean that God has approved of that union. It doesn’t mean you’re not married because you’ve done the things that constitute marriage. But it may be an unapproved marriage. And so Mark 6 dispels that notion. Well, they’re not really married in the eyes of God. And helps to define what marriage is and the difference between those two terms. Married and bowed. Okay. Herod had married Herodias. So all that’s saying is they had complied with societal or government requirements.

Some governments may not have any marriage requirements, but have done, and let me just go ahead and throw this in.

I mean, why make that observation? Obviously that going into the mother’s tent had some signification as to now they are married. And it says he loved. Now I don’t know what all was involved in marriage in the days of Abraham. Was there a ceremony? Was there a changing of vows? Were there a changing of rings? Probably not. But there were societal things that were done that said, Isaac and Rebecca are married. Perhaps going into the tent, the mother’s tent was a part of that. Seems so. So it’s the meeting of societal or government requirements. For example, if we just say, well, I’m sort of fatuated with this lady over here, and so we’re married. So, by what societal indications are that is that true? And let me just show you this.

God does not always join when said unions occur. For example, I saw this week that Vice President Biden performed his first marriage ceremony as a public official. And I’m watching the video of that, and it’s two males. That’s where we are as a nation. God did not bind in that union. That is a union or a marriage, and we can call it what our society can call it whatever it wants, but it’s a marriage, but it’s not a union of which God approves. Some more examples. In some regions of India, Alyssa’s not here tonight. They were up in Richardson this morning, but she’s been over to India recently. I was going to ask her about this. Sometimes people marry animals to exercise ghosts. There is a case of the Santhal tribe in India.

And as one author writing about this said, they cranked up the wedding crazy dial all the way to 11. They believe that if a baby girl has a tooth rooted to her upper gum, it’s an obvious sign that she will be eaten by a tiger or something in the near future. Because ghosts hate her. That’s interesting. And therefore she has to marry a dog. And such was the story of a nine-year old Indian girl who married a local dog. Now, obviously, God does not approve of that union. In France, a lady a couple years ago actually married a dead person. It took several letters to the president, about 20 months, but she had been her fiance six and a half years. He dies one month before the wedding.

And so she petitioned France, the government, to allow her to marry her dead fiance. And so I just make that observation to say many who are married are not bound. That is that they are in unions of which God does not approve. And sexual expression in those unions, thus is considered a violation of the will of God. And so this helps us to provide a biblical definition of marriage and that it involves meeting civil requirements. It’s more than just an exchange of vows and promises, for example. Two young people are getting really intense. And I don’t want you to imagine this scenario too much. But two young people are getting really intense in their affection for one another, and perhaps the marriage has been talked about somewhere down the road, and they say, Hey, let’s just consider ourselves married.

You bow to me. Since we’re so passionate right now in this moment, we’ll just consider ourselves married, and then we can do what we want to do. Well, the problem with that is that has not complied with conditions that our government has set down. Romans chapter 13, we’re submitted to submit to the governing authorities, that our government has set down in order to be married.

And also, what if in that moment and then moments that follow, one of those two have a change of heart and says, No, we’re not really married. They say, Oh, yes, we are. We’re really married. You promised to be married to me. And the other one said, No, I’m not. And so then you’re as an onlooker, then were they really married or weren’t they? What kind of objective material do we have to suggest these two are either really married before God? Has God really bound in that circumstance? We must comply with local and national government and societal standards as to what constitutes marriage. There’s some rules, for example, if American, if an American wants to get married in Japan. The male has to be 18, the female has to be 16, but if in your home state in the USA you have to be 18, ladies, then you have to comply with that also.

3. Let's Talk About Divorce

That’s the rules in Japan. And a woman cannot get married in Japan within six months of the disillusion of the previous marriage, and that’s supposed to help in paternity cases. And a person under 20 cannot get married without parental approval. So these laws and regulations must be observed. So understand what the Bible is saying about marriage, that marriage is meeting these social government requirements, even if it’s an unapproved union. Now let’s talk about divorce, the final point here. The same is true of the word divorce, as it occurs in Scripture. And I want you to look at Mark chapter, or Matthew rather, chapter 5, in the Sermon on the Mount, something Jesus says in verse 32. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, now, okay, does whatever is required to have a putting away, whoever divorces his wife, except for the cause of, my version says unchastee.

It’s actually the Greek word pornea, sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. So here we have a case where a divorce occurs, but obviously it is not for the correct reasons, the approved reasons of God, and so the end result is that you’re encouraging her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman, anyone who is put away with cause or no cause, whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. So here we have a divorce that’s taking place. So how did that happen? Well, whatever civil obligations were involved in the separation of that union, that’s what takes place, and yet God does not approve because there is only one approved cause, and it’s the same one we read about in Matthew chapter 19 and verse 9. So then, how do we define when a divorce occurs and when that divorce is approved?

That’s what Matthew 5 and verse 32 and Matthew chapter 19 and verse 9 explain for us. One cause, the presence of sexual immorality, and whatever fits under that term, pornea, that’s another whole discussion. But when pornea takes place, one can then be unbound by putting away the offender for that cause. But two questions need to be asked. And those two questions are what and when. The civil requirements must be met in making a marriage and in the bringing about of a disillusion of a marriage. And to be free, to be free, to be unbound, or to be released, or to be loosed, the scriptures use those terms. There must first be cause and then the compliance with the government requirements in order to put away one’s mate.

And so when does that happen? When exactly does that occur? Does that happen at the moment pornea takes place?

Because sexual immorality does not necessarily have to signal the end of the union. It is not necessary for one whose mate has been unfaithful for divorce to take place. It’s simply something that must be necessary to become unbound. But there are a lot of cases of infidelity where the marriage continues. Where couples work out differences and conflict and continue on in the marriage? So it’s the marriage is broken because of pornea, because of immorality. Okay? If we’re going to argue that, then the marriage was broken at the moment pornea took place. Are we going to argue that? That divorce occurs at that moment. So then what we end up doing is redefining what divorce is. Just like their attempts at redefining what marriage is. Now we have an attempt to redefine what divorce is.

And what about in the process of a mate putting away another mate for infidelity or pornea? This is a process that usually doesn’t happen in a couple of weeks. And so they’ve been living apart for some time, and the marriage is headed toward this inevitable divorce. Is the person yet free? Somebody says, well, but the marriage, for all intents and purposes, it’s over. Well, is it? What about if in the late stages of the process, either one of the two parties starts to make changes and they end up coming back together and decide we’re going to continue in this marriage? Would we then say that they need to be bound again, that they need to go through another civil ceremony of marriage in order to be married?

We wouldn’t argue that. No decree has been granted. As far as the state is concerned, they are still husband and wife. May I suggest to you that the unbinding does not occur until these two things happen in sequence? Pornea and the actual putting away by government societal requirement. At that point, one becomes unbound. Now, another thing happens in all of this. We have a marriage that ends in divorce for a cause other than fornication. Matthew 5.32 is really addressing that. And this person then engages in another union, and Matthew 5.32 calls that adultery. You cause her to commit adultery. But she committed adultery first. And therefore, because she has now committed adultery, and I know that because she married someone else. That’s how we know that for sure, if you didn’t hire a private investigator, but she’s married, so most likely she is now committing sexual immorality.

So now, because divorce has already happened and she’s married another, I can now put her away. I know the cause is present now. But here’s the problem. How then can you do part two when a divorce has already occurred? And we sometimes call this the waiting game. So when is this unbinding occur? Well, when I know she committed adultery. Really? I mean, we’ve already talked about that on this front end, as that’s not constituting divorce or fornication. Well, it’s when I decide in my mind that this is divided churches. Well, thankfully I can talk about this, and we don’t have a case like this. The guy said, I decided in my mind at this point. Now I’m putting her away because I know she’s committed adultery.

But then, so when is that happening exactly? When you decided that in your mind? Or as this guy said, when you get before the church and he says, I’m going to declare to the church I am now free to be married because my wife has committed adultery, thus I’m free. So I guess at the point that he makes the announcement before the church that he is now free. Again, you see how subjective this becomes when we don’t meet these objective requirements to become unbounded. Somebody said, Well, now wait a minute, Tony. This sounds really unfair. Because maybe this woman left the union or this man left the union, but we can go either way, and left this person high and dry, and here five years later, they now have proof of adultery.

Five years after the divorce. Okay, the meeting of those civil requirements. The law of the land says they’re divorced. So now what? Now, five years later, they want to put away their mate for fornication. How are they going to do that? Are you telling me they can’t? Again, when did they become unbound? When? How are we going to decide that? So you’re saying then that they are stuck. That seems very unfair to me. Now, this is the short of this tonight. Okay.

The problem is, as Americans, we struggle to accept any situation or circumstance that seems unfair. But I’m here to tell you there’s a lot of unfair, cruel, unjust things that happen in the world. Just like that writer that I talked about who landed on her head. That was a little unjust for somebody who was leading the race. But in these more serious matters of marriage and divorce. But let’s let’s take divorce out of the equation. Let’s just talk about the treatment some people receive in marriage. A spouse that changes and now becomes abusive in the relationship or extremely neglectful in the relationship or very hurtful verbal abuse in the relationship. And the list goes on and on. Is that fair? It’s not fair. But who gets to say, you know, they said an unkind word to me, and that’s really unfair, so I’m now going to put them away.

Conclusion

Where’s your scriptural ground to stand on there? So you’re telling me that this person is going to have to remain single because they can’t meet these requirements. I don’t know of any other way around it. So let me get to another practical point here, young people, here at the end. Before you get married, remember what we said about this person being the end all and be all of your life, the Keller quote in the very beginning.

Let me just tell you about. I’ll tell you some of our couples have only been married a couple years or so can tell you this is true. You need to carefully consider the person’s character. But even as you do that, it is no guarantee that they’re always going to be that person. I hope you’re fortunate enough to find a person who will consistently love God and try to be a good spouse all of their days. But I’m going to tell you that can change. Now I’ve got to tell you why I married Sherry.

She’s pretty. Now notice I didn’t say she was pretty. That would have been a bad answer. She’s pretty, duh. I mean, never would have gone out with her if I didn’t think she was pretty. But she knows and I know that’s not the only reason why I married her. The most attractive thing about my wife was and is that she loves God passionately and wants to serve Him. And I knew I needed that kind of person to be my spouse. But she and I will both tell you that doesn’t mean that it’s an easy road from then on out. So let me just tell you even if you make a good choice, let’s incorporate a lot of prayer in the decision that we make. And ask for God’s guidance and help in this union.

Why is it that when I conduct a wedding ceremony, I always pray? Is it just a preacher thing? No, we need prayers for our marriages. So may I recommend a lot of prayer? And then I’ll tell you this, and I tell every young couple this because of what I know and because of what I’ve seen. Expect some challenges. I don’t care how wonderful it seems and the butterflies that are going on and the massive infatuation that’s present, and all you can think about is how wonderful this person is. Okay. I’m here to tell you, expect challenges.

And may I recommend that you pray some more. Once you are married, we get one shot at this. Ross, that means no do overs.

Why doesn’t God give us one do over? Not that he’s trying to get away from Laura. She’s not here, so I can mention this tonight. We don’t get do overs. We get one shot at this. And if it doesn’t pan out, for whatever reason, hey, there’s two people involved here, and you can say, I’m going to be committed regardless all the way to the end, but they may not do that. If it doesn’t pan out, you may be indeed resigned to the single life. But that is not necessarily a curse. Oh, it’ll be challenging to not have a companion like you may want to have or did have in your early married life when it was wonderful. There’s going to be some challenges to the single life.

But Paul says, there’s a real positive here. And I know some people who are single who have definitely discovered this truth. When you are not married, it can be true that you can find undistracted devotion to the Lord. Because when you’re married, the previous verses say you need to be concerned about your spouse and taking care of them. And that’s going to require some energy and some effort and some work. But when you’re single, you can give undistracted devotion to the Lord. And our devotion to the Lord, even single or married, is worth. He is worthy of that devotion. And ultimately, even if you’re single for the cause of Christ, single or married, if you serve the Lord all the way to the end, ultimately, I promise you, there will be no regrets.

Nobody looks back from having served the Lord in their circumstances and whatever it has required of them, whatever sacrifices they have indeed had to make. And so let me just say don’t take chances with this. God has some rules about how marriage is to be conducted. And that’s why he told, John the Baptist told Herod and Herodias, it is not lawful for you to have her. So whatever challenges, whatever costs, this life really isn’t that long. We think it’s a long time. Man, I’ve got my whole life, I’ve got 20 or 30 years. It’s not that long. Serve the Lord, and ultimately there’ll be no regrets. Can we assist you in such a journey? Come while we stand and sing.