God’s Will For Marriage

Introduction

I really didn’t plan it this way. This lesson, and the one that will follow, is actually born out of a couple of discussions that I had with some brothers on this subject, and I said I probably need to address these issues from the pulpit and do some important instruction. But it just so happens that this week is my anniversary with Sherry for 27 years, if I’ve counted correctly. But to be outdone, Chris and Vicky just had number 32. Four, 34. I knew it was in the 30s. That’s a long time, brother. But I loved his post, she hasn’t killed me yet. I mean, if you know Vicky, you know how humorous that is. You know, she wouldn’t hurt a fly, as we say, but it does suggest that she has a great deal of patience to be married to.

No, God, I love Chris. 34 years. But we need to set the bar a little bit higher than that in our marriages, and I know Chris agrees with this. That the goal is more than just not to be killed by your mate. So we’ll be talking about that as we go along. But we’re going to talk about what the Bible is telling us about this subject, and to be able then to answer a lot of the questions and scenarios that come up on this subject. And so let me tell you about lesson number two. That, Lord willing, I’ll present next Lord’s Day evening. It’s not written yet. And the reason why is because I didn’t have that much time. But also, I wanted to give you an opportunity between now and say, like Wednesday.

Don’t come to me on Friday or Saturday. That’s going to be too late. With any questions that you have related in any way, not saying that I’ll necessarily get in the sermon, but I’ll try. Any question that I might cause to be raised even tonight with this sort of foundational study that you have. Now don’t bombard me at the back. I’ll try to write it down if somebody has a question, but I do have email. It works great. So, but if you have a question, say, Tony, I’m going to send you one. And I want to answer the questions that you have. Okay, so that’s, I wanted to get your attention with that right at the very beginning. I don’t plan to go an extremely long time tonight.

Sometimes we talk about marriage, divorce, remarriage, this can be a long sermon. But that’s why I’m not all doing it in one package. Sort of like the Zion sermon this morning. I mean, I probably could have gone another 15 to 20, and it might have helped. But it was Sunday morning. Probably should have done that on Sunday night and done it in a couple of sermons. There’s more I would have liked to have said than I got to say. Alright, God’s will for marriage. Trickster that I am, I chose the font story book. So often marriage is somewhat less than story book. And we want to prevent that. We want to help that. And so we’re going to look at some important principles on this subject.

The discussion of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Many of us have heard those kinds of lessons and said in those kinds of classes, and we say, well, this is very complicated. This is very difficult. And some of what we’re going to talk about in the next two Sunday nights might be a little bit difficult. But I want to suggest to you that the problem is not with the scriptures and what God has to say on the subject. The problem in this subject that causes the complication and the difficulty is people. And that’s the same thing that is true about a lot of false doctrines that are perpetuated, and we have to sit across the table with someone trying to answer these far-out crazy ideas people have about the Bible.

And it’s people that complicate the situation. God’s will isn’t that difficult on this subject. The problem is people, the problem is sin and transgression. And more than anything else, we talk about what specifically the sin involves. It’s I’m going to do what I’m going to do. It’s selfishness, and then trying to get the Bible to work alongside with my selfishness so that I can find justification for what I’m doing. And so things are twisted and manipulated and turned so that I can get my vehicle to where I want to go. And it’s that this relationship that I want God to approve of. Even though his will does not. In so many cases. So often it is selfishness that fuels the whole thing. That makes it so complicated and difficult to unravel.

1. Marriage Is God's Institution

It is rebellion. And people do not like to acknowledge that about themselves, that I’m in rebellion to the will of God. And yet so often that’s what it is. Alright, first point. Mark it down. This is where I’m going with this. Marriage is God’s institution. It is not mine. It isn’t yours. It isn’t the church’s. It is God’s institution, and He will hold us accountable. We’re going to look at some passages which are definitely saying that is so. Many think that we can promise whatever we want. And then walk away from that.

And promise those same things to someone else. And what makes us think they’re going to keep those promises? Well, they may or may not. But young people, when you stand before someone like myself, and a marriage ceremony is being done, and two people are being united before God, we have this as a custom, and it certainly is in keeping with what the Bible teaches about marriage. We make vows. We make promises. It is a lifelong contract. And we need to take that very seriously. As we quoted this morning about the one who dwells in Zion. He swears to take you tonight to this text in Mark the 6th chapter. And I want you, if you mark in your Bible, and if you don’t, you should probably.

If you mark in your Bible, I want you to mark 6.

If there is a passage which answers a lot of the questions that are raised on this subject, if there is one passage beyond the one that you might have thought I was going to first, which was Matthew 19. Yeah, that’s where you thought I was going. I’m going there. But I’m going to start here. Because in my experience and people that I’ve taught to, this passage applies to so many situations that develop. Mark chapter 6, beginning in verse 14. Interesting what Mark does here. He’s actually recalling the past. The past as it pertains to the death of John the Baptist. Because of the ministry of Jesus and the kinds of things he’s doing, Herod has begun to wonder whether John the Baptist has been raised from the dead.

And so at this point in the narrative, Mark retells the story of John’s death. So look at verse 14. And King Herod heard of it. For his name had become well known, and people were saying, John the Baptist has arisen from the dead. And that is why these miraculous powers are at work in him. But others were saying, and of course this is about Jesus, he is Elijah, and others were saying he is a prophet, like one of the prophets of old. But when Herod heard of it, but that’s what people were saying, he kept saying, John, whom I beheaded, has risen. Okay, now he’s a little bit alarmed. If indeed John the Baptist has returned after he has had him beheaded, there is there is cause for concern here.

Okay, now the story. For Herod himself had sent and had John arrested and bound in prison on account of Herodias, the wife of his brother Philip. Because he had married her. That’s the verse. Verse 17, circle it. That’s the one. Okay, so why did all of this happen? Well, because Herod is married to Herodias. The only problem is that Herodias was first married to his brother Philip. So she was his sister-in-law, but now Herodias is Herod’s wife. Okay? She married one brother, then married the other brother. For John had been saying to Herod, circle this, it is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife. John preached righteousness. And he was not afraid to even tell it to a ruler. And Herodias had a grudge against him.

Wonder why? Because John is saying, your marriage to Herod, and apparently she would rather be with Herod than Philip, his brother, your marriage with Herod is unapproved before God. And so she bore a grudge. People often don’t like to hear that they’re wrong. And wanted to put him to death, but could not do so. Okay, so this Herodias, not a nice lady. For Herod was afraid of John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man and kept him safe. And so Herod does have some admirable qualities. And when he heard him, he was very perplexed, but he used to enjoy listening to him. He didn’t mind hearing John preach.

And a strategic day came when Herod on his birthday gave a banquet for his lords and military commanders and the leading men of Galilee. And when the daughter of Herodias herself came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his dinner guests. And the king said to the girl, here was a big misstep. Ask me for whatever you want, and I will give it to you. And he swore to her, whatever you ask of me, I will give it to you up to half of my kingdom. Foolish offer. On Herod’s part. We could talk a long time about that. Alright. And she went out and said to her mother. And this would be Herod’s wife, Herodias, formerly married to Philip. And she said, What should I ask for?

He said, I could have up to half the kingdom. She says, the head of John the Baptist.

And immediately she came in haste before the king and asked, saying, I want you to give me right away the head of John the Baptist on a platter. And although the king was very sorry, yet because of his oaths and because of his dinner guests, he was unwilling to refuse her. And immediately the king sent an executioner and commanded him to bring back his head. And he went and had him beheaded in the prison and brought his head on a platter and gave it to the girl, and the girl gave it to her mother. That’s a tragic story.

2. Whenever a Divorce Takes Place, There Is Transgression

Now, what is it about this text that would suggest that divorce and remarriage is okay? Is divorce okay? We’re going to look at another passage in Mark chapter 10, verses 2 and following. Just a few chapters later.

Okay, so is it lawful? It’s posed as a question in the Matthew account, Matthew 19 and verse 3. He says, Well, what does Moses command you? And they said Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away. But Jesus said to them, Because of your hardness of heart, he wrote you this commandment, but from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this cause, a man shall leave his mother and father, and the two shall become one flesh. Consequently, they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. And we’re going to pause right there for now. But I want to come back to Mark chapter 6. But before I do, let me make this observation about divorce.

Whenever a divorce takes place, there is transgression. Every time. Without exception. Now, somebody said, but wait a minute, there is a cause to put away a mate scripturally, and it’s the same discussion as it’s revealed in Matthew 19, and the verse is verse 9 that says, Except it be for fornication. And so I say, yes, he has allowed one situation where one can acceptably put away a mate and marry someone else. But again, even that situation involves sin, does it not? It involves a person who has committed sexual immorality, thus providing the grounds for the divorce. So I make the statement, and so we should appreciate this about every divorce that takes place. Somebody has either sinned or is sinning. And certainly there is sin going on in the relationship of Herod and Herodias.

3. Killing the Messenger Doesn't Change the Message

Because John says what? It is not lawful for you to have. You know, if there’s not sin going on, if John is not saying you stand precariously before the judgment of God, if that’s not the case, then why have him killed? Why kill John? It was like, oh, okay. Well, okay, good, whatever. You can say whatever you want, but it doesn’t affect it. Apparently, Herodias is drawing the conclusion that John is saying, my life is unapproved before God. I stand in danger of the judgment. Why else would she ask for his head? Some serious things going on here. So let me offer a few thoughts about the Mark 6 text before we move from it. Number one, this is important that I make this observation that killing the messenger doesn’t change the message.

See its relevance to me. You can silence me, you can kill me, but that doesn’t change what the message is. It’s interesting that people think, and they often did in biblical times, we’ll just get rid of the guy because he’s saying things we don’t like, and that’s somehow going to change things. This is true whether John’s living or dead. It doesn’t matter whether the messenger is put away or silenced, these things are still true. And people can laugh at the Bible, they can demean it, they can regard it as just a book written by men, not inspired by the Creator, and they can live that way their whole lives and do whatever they want in their sin and rebellion. But I’m here to tell you the word of the Lord endures forever.

And this is the standard by which we’re going to be judged, whether we like it or not. And God has some very real rules about marriage and divorce. As I mentioned, Herod and Herodias stood condemned. Or else this story would not have unfolded like it does.

Even prior to the new covenant. Okay, this is before Jesus institutes his new covenant. God has a strong reaction to marriage treachery.

4. We Have Here an Unapproved Marriage

This text also indicates that a marriage had occurred. Now I want to come back to this thought next week. And this applies to some of the discussions that I was having about this subject. It says that Herod had married Herodians. But if it’s not lawful for him to have her, then what we have is someone who has gone through the societal requirements to have a marriage. And we’re going to talk about what constitutes a marriage and what constitutes a divorce next week. So if that’s your question, we’re going to define those things. But they have gone through what society requires, and I believe that’s a part of us being joined together in the side of God. They have done what society requires, whether it’s jumping over a broomstick, as I guess was true.

I’ve heard that illustration. Apparently, some culture does that. You jump over the broomstick and you’re considered married. Here we say, the preacher says, you’re joined in marriage. Kiss the bride. And that’s that’s we recognize that as marriage. They have met some societal standard for what marriage is. But in this particular case, the statement that we read, what God therefore has joined together, let no man separate, in this particular case of Herod and Herodias, God has not joined. He has not approved. Herodias is still bound to God’s marriage law regarding her first husband, Philip. I want you to notice, and we may come back to this again next week, that the remedy to the situation was not for John to go to Philip and say, okay, Philip, now you can put her away because of her immorality and marry someone else.

That doesn’t enter into this at all. And that’s another part of this that we’ll talk about next week.

We have here an unapproved marriage. Herodias is still bound by God’s law regarding her first husband, Philip. What is John implying about how we’re going to fix this problem? You know, you’re right. This is what we’ve done is wrong. We shouldn’t have done this. We’re sorry. Are we forgiven? You know, if that’s really all that was involved, and that’s what a lot of people think. You just got to feel sorry for what you’ve done, that you’ve entered this new covenant with someone else, and if you’re just sorry about it because you know it’s wrong, then you can stay with that one. That’s exactly what people are teaching. Well, why didn’t Herod and Herodias go down that path? I think they understood the implications of John’s teaching to be a little bit more severe than that.

That to repent before God is going to require a change of conduct because Herodias is still considered bound in relation to Philip. You have your brother’s wife.

John says.

In the process, which I think God wants us to know and understand. He says in verse 39, and this is about the widow, but this principle is uttered. A wife is bound. Okay? This is God binding to another. It is the Greek word deo, or from that Greek word, which means to bind. It is not the word for bound that has to do with slavery. That’s a different Greek word. But he says, a wife is bound as long as her husband lives. Now that’s what John is saying, right? Your first husband, Philip, is still alive.

A wife is bound as long as her husband lives. But if her husband is dead, and Paul would say this in Romans 7, 2 and 3 as well, as an illustration about how amenability to law works, but that’s again another story in that context. But he says, but if her husband is dead, she is unbound. She is free to be married to whom she wishes only in the Lord. And we talked about what that phrase means. That’s not for this particular sermon. Now, she is then unbound. And he talks about this in verse 27. He says, are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released or loosed. Are you released or loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. And again, he’s saying that in view of the present distress.

But if you’re married, you have obligations in that marriage union. If you are bound by God’s reckoning, then you have to be concerned about the things of the world, how that you may please your spouse. He says in verses 32 through 34. So some important principles are uttered here about what God recognizes in terms of to whom by his law, he owes requirement or is bound.

5. Baptism Doesn't Wash Away Marriages

And so I want to make this observation. This is an important one as well. Baptism doesn’t wash away marriages. You know, if Herod, some teach this, if Herod and Herodias could have could have just hung in there and could have waited until the day of Pentecost and were baptized, then, oh, it’s okay now. Because all their past sins have been cleansed. Look, folks, that is just untrue. That does not involve repentance of the wrong that we’ve done. John, who would still be uttering that same message about Philip, Herod, and Herodias. People cannot continue in adulterous unions any more than they can continue in a homosexual union. They must repent and change. And here’s another thing. Okay, so you’re baptized, so that fixes everything in the past.

So you’re suddenly at that moment joined before God. See, here becomes the issue of when God joins and what constitutes a marriage and what constitutes a divorce. So what you’re saying is that when a person is baptized, now suddenly they are joined. I guess you have to have a couple be baptized simultaneously, because you’d have one joined and one unjoined. That would be interesting. And then there’s this own case in my own family that is really quite tragic. Of a cousin of mine who grew up among the Lord’s people, Laura, grew up among the Lord’s people and married another person who grew up among the Lord’s people. And that marriage failed.

But my cousin followed thereafter, and he married again. And the wife that he married didn’t know truth as I would teach it. She was religious. But let’s suppose this. Let’s suppose that I had an opportunity to study with her and teach her, and she obeyed the gospel. And so her union then would be approved because baptism washes away marriages in the past. And so now she’s in an approved union, right? What about him? He was already a Christian. When he married. So how are we going to fix that situation for him? I’ve always thought that illustration suggests the absurdity of this idea that baptism washes away marriages because you would have one person who has just been baptized into Christ that could somehow now be right in this marriage, and the person whom she had married had already been a Christian when he got a divorce from his first life for a cause other than immorality.

How is it going to be right for him? I’ll tell you what happens in that circumstance. You know what happens, don’t you? Now, my cousin didn’t do this. But people say, well, I wasn’t baptized for the right reasons. That’s what happens. And so I need to be baptized again. And so they get baptized again, and all of a sudden, voila. I guess at the moment that the second person is baptized, again, how does this all work? That now we have an acceptable joining before God. You see how absurd this gets. And why does it get absurd? Not because these passages and principles are difficult, but because people do what they want to do. And they want to make the scriptures fit.

So baptism doesn’t wash away marriages. And notice, in a marriage that is unapproved, individuals commit adultery. And this is another important verse. Matthew 5 and verse 32. It’s not exactly the same as Matthew 19 and verse 9. In Matthew 5 and verse 32, and we may come back to this next week, but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except for immorality.

Sexual immorality is the word there.

I’m basically encouraging her to marry another, and then I become complicit in the adulterous relationship that unfolds. He says, You’re putting temptation in her path. If you put her away unjustly, you cause her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Now we need to talk about what the Bible assumes that we understand about these marriage texts, and that’s next week. For example, there are some divorced people who can remarry. Now we’ll talk about the unique circumstance there. But he’s talking about someone who is put away for unjust cause. That’s assumed. You marry someone who’s been put away for unjust cause, you commit adultery.

Again, more on that next week. So what is this? What are we hearing here? In the answer to the question, is divorce okay? The simple answer to that question is no. There is one cause in an approved marriage of putting someone away. Again, that’s what’s being assumed. If you have a marriage of two people who don’t have, what are Herod and Herodias supposed to do? Get a divorce. They’re supposed to get a divorce. Their union is unacceptable before God. She needs to be back with Philip in Mark chapter 6. An unapproved union needs to be severed. Just like we would say of a homosexual union. That needs to be severed if you’re going to please God. But we’re talking about a divorce where one has been put away for unjust cause.

Is divorce okay? No. Unequivocally no. So, young people, here’s where we get practical in the very last part of this. What this says is you need to be very careful about the mate that you choose. And I have very little left in my notes here, but I want to make this point.

It is next to impossible to imagine what 20 years of marriage is going to look like. I would say it’s impossible to imagine what 10 years of marriage is take it from someone, if you don’t believe me, go talk to Chris and Vicky. They’ve been at it longer than I have, seven years longer. It is impossible to imagine what 20 years of marriage is going to look like. And that’s why when I will do premarital counseling, if they want me to do premarital counseling, some guys make it a requirement. If I’m going to do your marriage, I’m going to do premarital counseling. I don’t make that a requirement. Because I’ll tell you sometimes how I think about that, they’re not going to know what they’re getting into until they get in it.

And no matter what I say, I’m probably not going to talk them out of the marriage. Never have done that. And really not going to prepare them for everything that even I can’t anticipate is going to happen in their marriage.

And so I’m not sure how much that helps. Oh, any kind of instruction helps a little. So often, even after five or ten years, people say, Well, I never thought it was going to be like this. It’s more about friendship, companionship, shared spiritual interests, than it is physical attraction. And yet that is so often the biggest driving force. And that’s fine. I don’t belittle that. I did the same thing. I mean, okay, I’m not going to talk about how she looks. But I’m just saying, you’re not going to marry someone if they’re ugly to you. Okay? That’s always going to be a part of it. But what you come to find out is that there are other things that are more important than that. And so getting through those early years, and I’ll tell you, I tell people all the time that the hardest years, I think, have to be when you’re raising your kids.

You’re distracted, you’re dead dog tired, and not getting the sleep that you need, and it wears on your relationship. And I just got to use Ross and Lara from Wednesday night. It’s classic. Lara has to go home with the two little ones while Roth has to go to the ER and get Bo stitched up. And so they have to go separate ways. When Bo is needing medical attention. And that’s the kind of crazy things that happen. When you have little kids, and it’s even more difficult when all three of them are in diapers. Just ask them. I mean, there are all kinds of difficulties involved in raising children.

6. The Four C's of a Surviving and Thriving Marriage

So let me give you, as a real practical part of this tonight, what I would consider the four C’s of a surviving and thriving marriage. And I want to do this quickly. What it boils down to, it’s about commitment to God and commitment to each other. No matter what. No, I know there’s an exception. I understand that. But for the most part, it’s going to boil down to I’m committed to this. I made some promises here. I’m going to be true to my word. I have committed myself to this person. God did not mean this relationship for my torture. There was something beneficial in this, or he never would have introduced Eve to Adam.

I’m going to be committed. That’s what Christians are. I’m going to invoke God’s help. And if you don’t see a way, you may still be looking for a way after a couple of decades. But I want to tell you, keep asking for God to show you the way.

And you’re going to have to talk. And man, sometimes for certain people, communication is a real challenge.

And a lot of times it’s guys. Not always. But, you know, when we communicate, it’s about sports. That’s not going to work. You’re going to have to communicate in other ways. You’re going to have to talk about the way you feel.

It’s going to involve communication. It’s going to involve character. Who are you? And I’ll tell you, when the Bible talks to us about marriage, you’ve got to do all these things if. If the person that you’re married to agrees to do what’s right. We’re going to talk about that next week in 1 Peter chapter 3. Even if they go in the wrong direction, I’ll tell you that’s what happens sometimes. Two people marry, and they’re striving to be like Christ. They’re striving to be Christian. But over time, that changes for one of them. Sometimes it changes for both of them. Now what do you do? This isn’t what I anticipated. How could you? People change. Good people go down wrong paths and start making bad choices. There aren’t any guarantees.

Even if they come from a good family. It may go sideways in a hurry. And you know what you find out, and don’t ever think you can do. You cannot change them. You cannot force them to be a certain way. You cannot. The only thing you can control is you. And so I’ll tell you right now, even in a good marriage, you need to focus on you. That’s the thing that you can control. And the kind of character that you have. The kind of person that you are, regardless of whether they are provoking you or not. Love is not easily provoked. And if there’s one thing a mate can do, it’s push all your buttons. They know. They know how to push your buttons. Anybody does.

So you need to decide what your character is going to be. And then maybe this is just as important as all the others. Because we live in a world that promotes discontentment. Oh man, you’re not as happy as you deserve to be. You’re not as happy as you ought to be. How about this solution? Get someone else.

We read about contentment. If I have food and covering, there would be content in 1 Timothy chapter 5. We’re going to have to bring contentment to the marriage. This is the blessing that God has given me. Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. The wise writer said. This is the blessing God has given me. Did somebody else get a better wife than me, or somebody else get a better husband than me? I’ll just answer and say probably. Somebody somewhere probably did. Was that who says you were supposed to have the best one on the planet? Who said you had that right?

You made a choice. Marriage is a blessing given to us by God. We need to be content with what we have. So often, that’s what fuels. The immorality.

Conclusion

The four seeds of a growing, surviving, and sometimes thriving marriage. And the reason why I say sometimes is because it takes two. And you may be doing it all by yourself.

That’s the lesson for tonight.

Let’s understand that God’s will for us is what we need. On any subject. And if there’s someone who needs to respond to God’s will for salvation tonight, come now as we stand and sing.